Going Under (La-la <3)

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[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies. So I don't know what's real and what's not I'm dying again Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again, I'm going under, So go on and scream, Scream at me I'm so far away, I won't be broken again. I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under Eirian was still shaking violently and no matter how hard she tried, the tears kept flowing. Tears of panic and shame alike, since she hated feeling so helpless, and reduced to a horrified mess. There was no much dignity in a mental breakdown, and the worst of was that everyone had been watching, including the one person who had caused this shameful turning of events. Draco Malfoy. Up until the moment he had shot fire at her, she had been sure to win this one, but he had not played fair, not fair at all. But he probably wouldn’t have expected such a stark reaction from her either; Eirian herself had not expected it. During the last six years she had slowly thought to get a grip on it, and she couldn’t even remember when the last time was she had had such a distinctive meltdown. She had thought to be on her way of overcoming her phobia, but this incident had proven to be the ultimate setback. Seeing the fire coming at her, hearing the sizzling and crackling of the flames and imagine them to stretch out their hungry fingers at her to consume her and feed from her, Eirian had been reduced to a scared ten year old child in a matter of seconds. Gone were the previous six years where she slowly had learned to forget, where she had thought to steadily find a way out of nightmares and freakouts when she only had to come near a fire or was confronted with the thick smell of smoke. It had been like falling into an abyss of time, bottomless blackness, with nothing but the panic and the memories to keep her company. She had even imagined to hear her parents scream her name… she had imagined to walk on burning timber again, or to smell the sickening stench of burning flesh, even though she hardly could remember if she ever had. Her own flesh maybe… but her grandfather’s? Maybe she wouldn’t have been hit by it so hard, had she in anyway way expected this to happen. When she knew she was going near a fire, she had at least the chance to prepare herself. She would go slowly, reluctantly, but she might go… and stop at a certain distance. But this… no, this could not have been expected by the wisest head. Though… in the end it was her own fault. She had provoked none other than Draco Malfoy… but then she had simply not expected him to prey on her dearest weakness… that he would sink so low. And what she also had not expected was that she couldn’t seem to find out a way out of this abyss alone. She hadn’t even noticed when she had curled up into a ball on the floor, burying her head under her hands, trembling and crying. It had taken the shocked exclamations of her classmates, the appearance of Professor Matthews who demanded to know what was wrong and the urging touch of Lavinia Charles to bring her halfway back into reality. And it was also Lavinia who was with her now, supporting her as they slowly walked into the direction of the hospital wing. Though, to be honest, Eirian didn’t even know what that would be for… she was not ill… this was all in her head. “I’m s-s-s-sorry”, she managed to get out and tried a thankful glance, which sadly failed miserably as another cold and hot shower ran down her spine. “I’m… being so… so…” Ridiculous she had wanted to say, but the word seemed too much for her right now. Just like everything seemed too much. And she hated herself even more for being such a wreck, and not being able to do anything about it as it seemed. © melly welly from caution 2.0 | LYRICS BY KATE VOEGELE OUTFIT: HERE | 647 WORDS | NOTES: Hope that’s okay

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[ducky]

400 x 300 here

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don't listen to a word i say[/i][/color][/font]
the screams all sound the same
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Lavinia was on her way to Divinations. Okay, she could probably skip that class. It felt like the first month of classes was solely devoted to review, anyway. So when she was stopped by a professor and told that Eirian was having some sort of fit, she had no qualms leaving her duties. Sure, it was irresponsible of a prefect to skip class, but she knew that no one would miss her. She was the kind of student that put her head down and just worked the entire time; she only raised her hand when no one else had the answer. Sometimes, that was often.

She found Eirian, and immediately went to her side. She didn't know what had happened; she didn't care. She'd ask questions later. She needed to get Eirian to the hospital wing, so she could get something to calm her nerves. La-la supported the girl. She wasn't going to just let her walk, she was practically in pieces. Lavinia put all of her own worries out of her mind. What was most important was getting Eirian to calm down and talk about what happened. And, failing that, just get her something to calm her nerves and sit with her while she cried.

"Shh," She rubbed her friend's back. "Don't apologize. You never apologize for crying, Eirian, you hear me?"

She helped the girl sit on one of the beds, and put her arm around her, half-hugging her. She looked at her friend. She hated seeing anyone upset; especially her friends.

"Tell me what happened. Who do I have to hex?" Her tone was joking, but she couldn't have been more serious. She'd find out who did this and then go after them. Make sure they couldn't sit right for a couple days.

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the truth may vary
this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
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_{WORDS``: 252~
TAGGED``: Eirian~
NOTES``: That was lovely, sorry for my short post~
LYRICS``: little talks by of monsters and men
CREDIT``: this template was made by the amazing TAYLYN!}[/b] of HOS && caution 2.0. if you erase this credit && she finds out then she'll either come && steal all your cookies or send you to the realm of eternal tickling: your choice.[/sub]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies. So I don't know what's real and what's not I'm dying again Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again, I'm going under, So go on and scream, Scream at me I'm so far away, I won't be broken again. I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under As little as Eirian trusted in emotions, she had experienced before how important physical contact, the palpable support of somone who cared for her was in these moments. Like this, it was even more of a blessing that Lavinia had been there, taking up the role without any hesitation or second thoughts, and slowly Eirian started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It was a dim light still, and she knew she would still take a while to calm down, but it was a start at least. She just was afraid to close her eyes. For some it might be shutting out what they feared, but since Eirian’s demons were inside, shutting your eyes meant shutting yourself IN with them, with no means of escape. So instead, her eyes were darting around frantically, trying to cling to something real, to something she could grasp with her mind. Little things like the Ravenclaw Badge on Lavinia’s uniform. ‘Our symbol is the eagle. Soaring high as our ambitions and our minds. Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure, such said by Rowena Ravenclaw herself. She lived in the early Middle Ages and was good friends with Helga Hufflepuff of Wales, while she herself was from Scotland. It is said that Hogwarts owns its location and name to her, because she dreamed a warty hog was leading her towards the cliff above the lake… and to her we also owe the changing staircases. She figured the students should be smart enough to figure it out.’ Yes, recapitulating her knowledge in her head was definitely helping to a certain extent. Eirian always felt strongest when she could use her brain and could conquer every obstacle with her mind. But some things were just out of reach. Some things could not be explained, and it was these things that scared her so terribly. La-La told her she should not feel bad, that it was no shame to cry, but that couldn’t convince Eirian. To her, tears were okay to a certain extent, but what was surely NOT okay was such a mental breakdown she just had experienced. Whoever had not known of her phobia yet, now would certainly know. The whole Charms class… and news travelled fast in Hogwarts. She might be the talk of the school within a day. ‘Heard of that crazy Ravenclaw girl?’ ‘Yeah, they say she went mental in Charms class, cause Draco Malfoy shot fire at her. Seriously… fire! What’s the big deal?’ – oh yes, she could already hear those voices in her head loud and clear! “I f-f-feel so… so bad. It sh-shouldn’t af-ff-fect me that much anymore, it’s s-s-so… illogical”, she forced out and stiffled another sob, clasping her hand over her mouth. Oh great Scott, she felt sick… The mocking threat of her friend as well as the hug, almost elicited a chuckle from Eirian, but sounded very choked still. Should she really tell Lavinia who had done this? But then… if the news of her breakdown spread, so would who had caused it, there was probably no use in trying to hide it even now. Leaning her head against Lavinia’s shoulder, she gave a choking snort, trying to control the sobs that still shook her body. “It’s partly my own f-f-fault. I started a war of words with Malfoy… should have known he’d res-s-sort to other w-weapons.” © melly welly from caution 2.0 | LYRICS BY KATE VOEGELE OUTFIT: HERE | 565 WORDS | NOTES: Geez, she's such a drama queen^^

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[ducky]

Lavinia could have finally said that she was seeing red. There was no time before that she had felt this furious. Other times it had been diluted by sadness, or something else, but this time it was pure, unaltered anger. She wanted to hit something. But that would have to wait; she had to stay calm and supportive in front of her friend; she knew getting angry would just make it worse. La-la hated getting angry; she didn't very often. But if there was one thing that she couldn't stand, it was bullies. And, for that matter, she didn't much care for Draco Malfoy either. She wondered how on earth he'd been made a prefect. However, when she stopped to think of it; it was obvious. Lucius Malfoy had influence in a disturbing capacity.

She squeezed her friend a little tighter. Eirian was being ridiculous; she was completely entitled to have whatever feelings about those past events that she had. It had been a complete trauma; it was completely understandable to be scared even still. Lavinia was still afraid of broken glass; she expected that if she had been attacked with a shard of it, she'd be a blubbering mess too.

"Eirian," She sighed. "Luv, logic doesn't play into these situations. Feelings are what we feel, not what we know. Try to explain them, or fault ourselves for having them is completely ridiculous."

Lavinia could say that she could be pretty irrational at times; it was just something that made her who she was. She kne Eirian was a much more logical being, but she wanted to try and show her that logic was not always the answer to everything.

"There's no reason to blame yourself," She said, a hard edge to her voice. "Draco didn't fight fair. Not surprising, but still. You just wait, I'll talk to him. He'll never threaten you again."

STARRING[/color] : Lavinia and Eirian
NOTES : You mess with La-la's friends, you mess with La-la!
LYRICS USED : USE SOMEBODY - KINGS OF LEON
LISTENING TO : Rihanna
BANNER CREDIT : TANA

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies. So I don't know what's real and what's not I'm dying again Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again, I'm going under, So go on and scream, Scream at me I'm so far away, I won't be broken again. I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under Now she was saying the dreaded words, those words Eirian had never chose to accept. That there were things logic had no access to. That emotions and fears lay outside that field and could not be controlled. But Eirian needed control, she wanted control over it like nothing else, and not being able to get it scared her senseless. What would be left of her, if she didn’t have her logic? It was all she was good at, it seemed, and yet even that was torpeded by those horrific emotions that just got in her way with everything. Goodness, she had had to drop out of Potions class, because she couldn’t get near a kettle with a burning fire underneath it! How was that supposed to be fair, if it wasn’t even logical?! No, she really didn’t want to hear that something could not be solved by logic, it made her feel more helpless and desperate. “But… what do you think I should DO about it then?!” she exclaimed, shaking her head wildly. “I don’t WANT this, La-la, it’s ruining my life! It’s not even so much making a fool of myself in front of everyone though that comes pretty closer after. It’s knowing that this phobia will continue to hinder me in everything!” She didn’t really expect real advice from her friend, since she was pretty sure there was nothing TO do about it all, but even the fact she had someone here right now she could talk about it with, someone who would not call her silly and laugh at her, was so much more worth than gold. Alice used to tease her so relentlessly about her fear of fire, and even though she didn’t have so many means as a squib to make her pay like Draco Malfoy just had, she HAD found her ways eventually. Eirian knew that it was her dearest weakness, going hand in hand with her fear of the Grim and therefore her overall fear of fortune telling. She had never even considered taking Divination. But right now, it seemed like nothing could help her to snap out of it, it only seemed to get worse insteaod better. Her gloomy thoughts were momentarily diverted though by Lavinia’s announcement to make Draco pay. Paling under her puffed up and red skin, Eirian turned sharply to her friend and gasped. “La-la, no! Please! I don’t think it’s gonna be talking you’re gonna do, and I don’t want you to get in trouble… just because of me. Malfoy will get a hefty detention I am sure, and that is only just. But if you do something in return it is YOU who will get to pay, because retaliation is not liked by teachers I have heard”, she gaver a bitter chuckle. © melly welly from caution 2.0 | LYRICS BY KATE VOEGELE OUTFIT: HERE | 565 WORDS | NOTES: I LOVE La-la!!!

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