Welcome To Reality; Draco/Astoria (Closed)

[draco]

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Draco's first few weeks back at Hogwarts were like a living hell. He had first left Malfoy Manor early, because it was just his mother taking him. His father was still in Azkaban, and this sent his mother into an absolute frenzy. He was actually glad to be out of the house because she clung to him like glue and as a sixteen year old boy, he was sick and tired of it. He wanted his independence. Though he knew deep down that he was going to miss her warm motherly comfort more than anything.

Draco knew if he was going to survive this year, being a death eater and all, he was going to have to learn to fend for himself and shut out compassion and everything that he got from his mother. He knew that he was going to have to do everything on his own because asking for help was like a sign of weakness. And not only that...who could help him? He was a Death Eater and there was nothing that really could change that. He couldn't go running into the Headmaster's office and beg him for help. First of all, that wouldn't stand well with him because his pride didn't allow it. Second of all, Dumbledore pretty much ran the Order, so that was out. And third, and most importantly, he was supposed to murder that guy in the end.

Draco wasn't even sure he could handle that much. He had a lot of nightmares about what it would be like to take someone's life. He wasn't sure that he could do that. It just seemed too cruel, even for him. He tried pleading with the Dark Lord, telling him that it was too much to do, but Voldemort of course would not give in. He was going to do what he told him to do or it was all over. End of story, case closed. Draco took a lot of visits to the Room of Requirement to start on repairing the vanishing cabinet, and he was planning ways to kill off Dumbledore.

These things drifted through his mind as Draco walked around the castle, his hands stuffed in his trouser pockets. He needed some time to relax and think. Before he knew it, he was wandering around outside in the courtyard. Luckily there was no one out here at the moment. He sat on a bench and sighed. He looked around and saw that there were a few of the younger children messing around with prank objects they snuck into the school somehow. Draco thought that was rather clever, considering how tight security got.

As he observed the children, watching from a distance, he could feel something tugging at his heart. He shook the feelings away, knowing that he couldn't be thinking like that. Not now. Not ever. He thought about the innocence of those young children. Not having to worry about anything at all because they still had their childhood and growing up to look forward to. Their lives weren't really on the line at the moment. They didn't have to be concerned about the war that was coming up. They could just keep on playing and feel safe.

A single tear feel down Draco's cheek as he longed for that feeling again. That feeling of security and comfort the way he did when he was their age. Right now he had no one, and nothing to protect him. That he knew of at least. He wasn't informed of Professor Snape's unbreakable vow. At least not yet. That's the way he wanted it though. He didn't want to be the one who always had to have someone to fall back on. But then again, at the same time, he longed to curl into a ball and cuddle with his mother while she sung to him and told him that everything would be okay.

But he was too old for that, and even if he wasn't, he couldn't lower himself down like that. He needed to focus. It wasn't until the second tear fell did Draco realize he was crying and he quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He didn't need anybody witnessing that. He would be in so much trouble if someone saw that. For one, it could ruin his social life and reputation as the Slytherin King, and second of all, it could end up circulating back to his father, and his mother. Which would obviously get to Voldemort and surely he'd be executed, or worse, his mother would be.

Once the children had gone back inside, Draco was alone again. He wished they'd come back, because he liked watching them. It soothed him to know that there were at least some people in the world at the moment who could hold onto their innocence even during a war like this. He closed his eyes and just relaxed since he had nothing better to do. He did his best to clear his mind, but it really wasn't working all that much. He opened his eyes and looked around for something to do, or for someone to talk to.

Just then, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Astoria Greengrass. He was delighted, because he hadn't really spoken to her at all this year. Though, he heard rumors that she wasn't the outgoing, sarcastic Ice Queen that she was the last few years. This made Draco wonder a bit, and he wanted to know what was with that. But for now he figured he'd just make pleasant conversation with the girl. He after all, thought of her as someone to take care of, since she was younger than him. He waved her over and smirked.

[samixx]

When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,

[/color][/size]

But it flew away from her reach,[/color][/size]
So she ran away in her sleep,

* - - - -[/color]

astoria was silent as she stared at herself in the reflection of the standing mirror in her dorm room. the other fifth year girls had all disappeared to their respected places, but she was still in her room, taking in her appearance. she ran her brush through her hair once more, starting from the top of her head to the very bottom of her long strands, blinking heavily. her eyes were bloodshot from her lack of sleep and there were dark impressions under her eyes. well, i'm certainly attractive today. she thought coldly in her head. after her run-in with noah the other night, she felt humiliated. after all, it was the first time she had shown her vulnerable side. she knew the gossip going around the castle about her. people were noticing her lack of enthusiasm for causing pain to those around her and the fact that her sarcasm wasn't on par as usual. the little ice queen felt as those all innocence and sense of self had been torn away from her because of her summer.

she set her brush on the desk beside her bed and sighed, looking at herself once more. she adjusted her skirt, tugging it lower on her waist, covering the bruises that were still on her thighs. it had been almost four weeks, and the reminders were still there. the young slytherin inhaled sharply and pushed the thoughts out of her mind. she tucked in her shirt, making sure there were no lines before she grabbed her cardigan, pulling it back around her frail upper body. she could tell she had lost so much weight since the incident. she didn't have the strength to even eat, seeing as she felt that her sense of pride had been ripped away from her. astoria didn't even know who she was anymore. she sighed and rubbed her eyes before making her way out the door, going up the stairs that led to the slytherin common room. her blue eyes scanned the room and she saw several familiar faces. she saw her sister's group of friends sitting at the couches closest to the windows gossiping, though it seemed to stop when she entered the room.

she gave a small smile and a wave and the gesture was returned, and she realized no one seemed to notice. thank merlin. she bit the inside of her cheeks and made her way out the door, sliding through the portrait hole. she looked around the dark hallways of the dungeon and realized that it was rather, save for a few younger kids lurking around the corner. she shrugged and tucked her hands into the pockets of her sweater, making her way towards the courtyard. she figured that she could make a trip up to the lake alone this time and spend some time with her thoughts. she tried to interact with people as little as possible, in order to save herself from further embarrassment. she hated this vulnerable side of her, but astoria had no idea what to do anymore. a few younger students ran past her and she noticed they were carrying a few pranks with them and she overheard their conversations, but she ignored it.

she looked up from the path she was walking on and recognized a very familiar face, that she wasn't too please to see at the moment. if there was anyone she truly cared for in the world, it was draco malfoy. the boy who captured her attention immediately on her first day at hogwarts and since then, she had been known to flirt and chase after him. he was special to her. one of the few people she showed compassion for, but someone she was willing to do anything for. despite his persona, astoria adored the boy. she ignored the rumors about him. he waved her over and she saw his signature smirk, feeling her stomach churning. oh great, i look ridiculously awful. she thought to herself as she made her way over. she strategically pulled her skirt a bit, noting that it fell down her hips everytime she moved. god, she was getting thinner and thinner. she prayed he wouldn't notice too much, though that was a lot to ask. everyone had noticed the change in astoria.

"well, if it isn't mister malfoy in the flesh," she teased him gently. her voice was cool and gentle, as usual, but there was still an air of paranoia that she hoped he hadn't picked up on. "i don't believe i've ever seen you alone before. especially not on a beautiful day like this. where's miss pug-nose?" she smirked, resting her hands on her hips. she stood in front of him. at least her usual flirtatious self came out whenever she was with draco, but there was a change in how she held herself. it wasn't as confident and beautiful, but more pulled in and more like a scared doe, running from hunters, which was how she felt lately.

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words;eep!
notes; theyre cute!
outfit; here!
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by coldplay!

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[draco]

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Draco was delighted to see Astoria again. She was the one person that he knew he could talk to in a time like this. Mainly because he'd feel horrible if he didn't because she meant so much to him. She wasn't like a little sister, exactly, but more like a close friend. She just had this innocence essence on her. Though she was snarky, and a total ice queen which complimented his ice prince antics perfectly. But she was the youngest of the 'main clique' in Slytherin. He had grown to love her over the years. Though his love for her had always been in a friendly way. She was part of the list of the few people Draco would risk everything for. Along with his mother and father. Which he was practically doing now by becoming a Death Eater and trying to preform these tasks without Harry and his trio of idiots finding out. Or even Dumbledore himself, which would be a disaster all on its own.

But Draco frowned when he looked Astoria over up and down. She didn't seem as fit as she used to. She seemed...hollow. Like there was something there and now there isn't. He began to wonder what was wrong again. But still, it calmed him to see her. Because she probably wouldn't laugh at him if he started crying again. Though he wasn't going to purposley do that, because he had to seem like the strong one. He smirked more as she spoke. Despite her looks, she seemed to have that snarky flirtious behavior still there. Maybe everyone was losing their minds, and she was okay. He mentally shrugged it off for now. He didn't want to think too deeply into it if he didn't have to. He had other things on his mind that were a bit more important so it seemed.

"Hello to you too, Baby Greengrass," said Draco lightly, chuckling some. He always lightened up when she was around. It was like, the cold icy Draco was melted into the warm one when she was around. Mostly because he couldn't see himself being mean to her. Because first of all, he knew she bit back, and second of all, she was just so adorable. It just didn't seem right at all to act any other way than nice to her. Though, he didn't completely lose his Slytherin charm, of course. He was, after all, still a Malfoy.

Draco shrugged and he then said, "I don't really know. I assume Pansy is with your sister. I'm not really looking for her right now, so I'd suggest it stay that way." Draco gave Astoria a pointed look that said that she better not go and run to Pansy to tell her where he's at. He was actually avoiding her right now. Last thing he needed was another distraction. At least Astoria was a welcome one. Pansy on the other hand...not so much. He didn't make a comment on the fact Astoria called Pansy a name, because he knew that's what everyone called her. And he wasn't really in the mood to fight with Astoria. He found it cute when she teased others.

He then looked around and then smirked. He reached out to pull Astoria down beside him, and he said, "Sit with me." He didn't even think twice about how Astoria might react to him grabbing her arm and pulling her down. He didn't know of what happened to her, so he wouldn't know that she might be jumpy.

[samixx]

When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,

[/color][/size]

But it flew away from her reach,[/color][/size]
So she ran away in her sleep,

* - - - -[/color]

despite the other night with noah, there was a certain air of comfort that fell over astoria as she stood in front of draco and she watched as his eyes looked her up and down, something she had grown used to and was all too familiar with. she didn't mind that the self-proclaimed slytherin king eyed in her such a manner. in fact, she would've been surprised if he hadn't. her relationship with draco was a complex one and she couldn't even begin to describe it herself. all she knew was that she flirted with him and he was about the only one she usually was charming with. others that tried to flirt with it got a simple smirk back or a cute comment, but no second thoughts. draco had always been astoria's 'first love' so to speak. even as children, she spent so much time with narcissa, one assumed that the two might as well have been an arranged marriage, though neither of their parents thought in such a manner.

his chuckle made her beam, flashing him her signature smile. her blue eyes, despite their lack of rest, glimmered with sudden happiness. he didn't comment on her appearance, which made her believe that he wasn't going to think anything of it. "I'm not a baby anymore, Malfoy," she teased him lightly. she bit her lip slightly, pulling her lips into a smirk as she looked down at him, her dirty blond hair falling over one shoulder, giving her that innocent doe-like appearance she was known for having. astoria basked in the fact that draco lucius malfoy, slytherin prince, treated her like a princess and that she was one of the few that actually received his attention and he actually cared for her, unlike others around the school. it always made her feel special, to some degree. although, she absolutely hated when anyone called her a baby or the baby greengrass. yes, she was the youngest of the slytherin 'in' crowd, but she was certainly not a baby. there were things she had done that if others found out about, it would put her older sister to shame and make her seem harmless.

she chuckled, smirking at his second comment. she rolled her eyes for a moment, shaking her head. pansy 'pug-nose' parkinson was someone that stori was unhappily used to. the girl clung to her older sister and believed that she was the greatest thing on earth, though astoria did not think the same way. there was nothing interesting about a wanna-bee, clingy sixteen year old girl that only wanted popularity. it may or may not have also been the fact that the two both seemed to fight for draco's attention over the year that made astoria dislike ms parkinson, but she would never openly admit that fact. she had too much pride to tell people she had to fight for something rather than simply receiving it, though she seemed to be winning this fight fair and square and fairly easily.

his touch shocked her out of her thoughts and her first instinct was to pull her arm away, flinching at his cool skin touching hers. she realized her mistake and instantly dropped her arm, re-composing herself. "sorry. i don't know where that came from," she tried to joke, though it was apparent that something was wrong, seeing as her face had turned paler than it usually was. the spot which he touched had throbbed and she was suddenly thrown back into the memories of her summer. she sat down calmly beside him, sitting up straight as usual, crossing her legs at the ankles. she turned in towards him, unable to look at him after what had just happened. she felt her heart pounding in her chest and she instantly looked around them, desperately trying to change the conversation. "so how's your first week back so far?" she asked emptily. she reached up to push a stray strand of hair out of her eyes, simply tucking it behind her ear. she finally relaxed enough to turn back to face draco, however, she still couldn't bring herself to make eye contact. she had been so vulnerable these past few weeks, and it seemed she was becoming unraveled.

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words;eep!
notes; theyre cute!
outfit; here!
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by coldplay!

[/center]

[draco]

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Draco knew that Astoria wasn't a baby anymore. Trust me, he knew. He watched her grow up from the time they were little kid teasing each other and yanking on each other's hair, until now when he was practically married to Pansy, thanks to the things Pansy likes to say about her and Draco, and Astoria was the snarky young woman she is today. It bothered him just a little that she wasn't the baby girl he used to know. Because it was just another reminder that their childhood was gone and they had to participate in the war. But it also made him happy, in a way. It made him happy to be able to be a part of Astoria's life while she was growing up. Because he knew she'd go far in life, and he'd love to talk about the good times when the famous buisness tycoon put bows in his hair when he wasn't paying attention. Or something like that.

Draco smiled lightly and nodded at her, and then said lightly, "I know you're not a baby, Astoria. Believe me, I know." He looked down for a moment, remembering his fourth year at Hogwarts. He had a slight crush on the Ice Queen. But he knew that he was too young for him at the time and Daphne would skin him alive if he tried anything on her. But he got over it and asked out Pansy, because he heard a rumor they were betrothed. Which wasn't true at all, but in fact, was a rumor started by Pansy, herself. He never thought of the crush again, after that. Astoria and him just became good friends and it stayed that way. They flirted and all, but it was all for good fun, nothing meant. But these days, he couldn't even do that without worrying that it might turn into something more. He swore off girls for this year. He doesn't have time for them.

Draco couldn't help but smile when Astoria seemed happy about his comment on the Pansy thing. He truly didn't care for her much. Yes, he found her attractive at one point, and yes he did like her for awhile, but he really couldn't see himself going any further with her. At his age, you'd expect him to be thinking about what if I married this girl? What if she was to be the mother of my children? But all those thoughts ended in confusion and a shake of the head. He just couldn't picture any of those things with Pansy. But that was okay, because she was going to probably hate him for life when he broke up with her because he just couldn't handle being someone's boyfriend at the moment.

Draco gave Astoria a curious look when she jumped. He was always able to touch her without a problem. Because they had a mutual trust and she knew he wasn't going to try anything on her if she didn't want him to, and he knew she wouldn't do that to him either. But now it was like she was scared of him. His heart sped up at this. What if she knew he was a Death Eater? Draco considered the possibility. That she was afraid of him because of what he was. This actually stung a lot. Because if he couldn't even have someone as important to him as Astoria was, at his side through this, sometimes, then he was going to completely break. He needed something to hold onto. That doe-like look she gave him...it was the innocence he wanted to hold onto.

He then said, "Oh...It's fine. Astoria, listen, I'm not going to hurt you. I swear. I'd never hurt you." Draco wanted to make sure that she knew he wouldn't hurt her, even if he was a Death Eater. Though he didn't know that the fact he was a Death Eater wasn't the reason for her jumpyness around him when he touched her. She wouldn't know about him being one of them anyways. Not to his knowledge, at least. He was supposed to keep it a secret. Only the Death Eaters in the Dark Lord's inner circle knew about it, and he always wore long sleeves to cover up the mark. He wasn't going to let anyone see that. Especially since people were suspicious of him enough already. He already thought he caught Harry following him once. He didn't need that to happen to him again and this time it be for real.

When Astoria asked him how his first week back was going, he was hesitant to answer. There were many words to answer her question, and most of them he wouldn't say in front of her. Especially since he didn't use that kind of language in front of girls like Astoria. But the other reason was because that would involve mentioning his task to murder the Headmaster, and his task to fix the vanishing cabinet. And at the same time as doing those, he was supposed to keep it a secret and make sure that the Gryffindors stayed completely clueless.

Eventually, Draco thought of an okay answer, and he said to her, looking at her, "It was okay, I suppose. Got to bash in Potter's nose on the Hogwarts Express. Honestly getting back to classes after a long summer was hard, but I'll manage. And I guess my week just got better because I have you to talk to now." He gave Astoria a flirtious smirk when he said his last statement. Though he was bothered a bit by the fact she wasn't looking into his eyes like she normally did.

[samixx]

When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,

[/color][/size]

But it flew away from her reach,[/color][/size]
So she ran away in her sleep,

* - - - -[/color]

his words made astoria beam with pride. she loved that they had shared such a heavy history with one another. they chased each other around as kids. she loved to mess with him and he loved teasing her. she could remember one instance where narcissa had scolded draco for being rude to astoria, but it was only because she had put bows in his hair when he wasn't paying attention. she had started so many arguments that she didn't get into trouble for and she would never forget them. knowing that draco had been there to watch grow up even as a young child and she was thankful that he wouldn't forget her. astoria loved every memory with draco. "and yet you still call me one," she teased him lovingly. there was always a tone of compassion and trust whenever astoria was speaking with draco. there was adoration in her gaze and everyone around them saw it.

daphne had always teased astoria for falling for draco, just like every other slytherin girl. astoria was guilty of liking draco. after all, what was there not to like? his blonde hair, his grey-blue eyes, his tall frame. he had a certain charm about him that not everyone could understand, but astoria saw past it all. she had stood by his side faithfully, even when he took up dating that disgusting pansy parkinson. daphne, though pansy's good friend, had always astoria to simply have hope and never lose faith, which was something astoria did. she wanted to believe that draco would pick her, but she knew that right now was not the time. there was a secret kept from her that she wasn't sure of but it involved draco and she knew that she had to just relax and let time take care of the two of them. she felt herself burning when he gave her that look after she had jumped and she was humiliated endlessly.

his words made her relax only slightly, but she could see it on his face that a million thoughts were running through his mind. she could not let him find out under any circumstances. she nodded her head, unable to look at him. she was still freaked out and didn't know exactly what to say to him, but she knew he cared. obviously. his words calmed her down slightly and her heart rate returned to it's normal beating pattern. "draco..." she trailed off and finally looked up at him, making eye contact with him, though it was difficult for her. she looked away again, down into her own lap. "i know you wouldn't. it's just been a long summer," she replied mindlessly. she reached out and touched his hand lightly for a moment. it just felt right, the way their hands fit together, but she knew there was nothing she could do so she retracted her arm, returning it to her lap. she changed topics quickly, making sure not to sit on the subject for too long she didn't want him finding out or trying to pry into her life.

"despite being at school, sounds like a productive week when you get to bash potter," she teased lightly. she inhaled sharply at his last comment and forced herself to smile, looking up at him. if only he knew what had happened, he might not have been so proud or happy to talk to her, but she'd have to put on her best face and make him believe that everything was all right with astoria. she instantly smirked at him, unable to help herself despite that gnawing feeling in her stomach and her inability to look him in the eye. "you know you always have me to talk to, malfoy," she teased. she reached up and fixed a strand of his hair that was sticking up in the back, smoothing it down gently. she pulled her hand away, scared of the memories it might bring back of her summer. she was scared to touch anything these days. everything reminded her of him. "i couldn't find you at lunch today, so i had to sit with theodore and zabini. they're not as charming as yourself," she teased him lightly, smirking, but still unable to look at him as she stared out at the spread of grass in front of the two of them. "how was summer?"

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words;eep!
notes; theyre cute!
outfit; here!
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by coldplay!

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[draco]

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Draco thought about what Astoria was teasing him about. Always calling her a baby. But that's what she was to him, a lot of times. The only innocent thing about his life. With Death Eaters taking over his life because he was forced into being one. His heart was full of evil right now, and he could feel it. It felt awful. Because he wasn't allowed to have that innocence, the kindness, the compassion. Or anything that made him like his mother. Because if he did he'd be dead by the next day. But Astoria...she was his innocence. The pretty Slytherin was sweet, and caring towards him and a few others. But was icy and snarky to others. It was just perfect. So he kept calling her a baby, perhaps, because he wanted to see her as the innocent one all the time. So he'd have something to look upon if he ever crossed the line of no return. Something to remind him of what he once was.

"You know I only call you one because you're the youngest, and I know you love me so it's not like you'll punch me," Draco said, chuckling. He meant that she loved him in a friendship way. He didn't really think of her liking him anymore than that. He didn't really know what to think when it came to them. They just had this special bond that was really hard to describe. And Draco just didn't question it, because he knew that's when it would start to fall apart. When he started on analyzing things they tended to start to not make sense. And when they didn't make sense, Draco just through the idea out the window. He didn't want to lose his Baby Greengrass anytime soon.

Though there was one thing he knew for sure. He loved Astoria with all his heart. But he didn't know in what way. He actually considered both once before, but he ended up going red when he did so he just forgot about it. He didn't want to see her hurt. But he could feel his heart still racing from before. He wasn't sure he could handle the idea of losing Astoria because of what he was. He considered telling her, because he just had to know if she'd throw their friendship away because of it. But he quickly shook those thoughts from his mind when he reminded himself of the fact he couldn't do that no matter what.

"I understand...I just wanted to let you know that I'd never hurt you, and I won't touch you if you don't want me to," Draco said gently, and slowly. He was still hurt by the fact she flinched when he touched her, but he knew better than to press it on her. Because he respected her enough to not do that. But he wondered what she meant about it being a long summer. Maybe she meant that she did hear about him being a Death Eater, and she thought about ditching him for good. He really couldn't think of anything else that could've happened between them. It's not like he saw Astoria at all during the summer. Not this year at least. He was too busy.

He looked away for a moment when he felt her touch his hand. He thought he felt something, but he wasn't sure. And if he did, he couldn't let it go on. He had to remind himself over and over of this. Girls are offlimits for this year. Especially Astoria. Because he didn't want to destroy her innocence. He couldn't live with himself if he knew he had done that. But without really thinking about it, he slowly wrapped his fingers around her's and held her hand lightly. It felt nice to have someone to hold onto. He smiled lightly, because he felt comforted. He felt safe for the first time that night. It was an odd feeling, really. But he was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

"I know I do, Stori. And you know you will always have me, right? I may not be the brightest guy around, but I'll be here for you," Draco said, sounding a little more serious then he meant. Here she was, teasing him, and he was playing the serious card on her. He took a shaking breath when she brushed a piece of hair down. It just felt so right. And more than anything he wanted to tell her everything, and cry, and feel comforted without judgement. But he knew that wasn't going to happen. He was a Malfoy, and Malfoy's do not just break down crying. Especially in front of girls.

He chuckled lightly at her comment about Theodore and Blaise. He knew that both of them liked Astoria at one point. But Theodore was now into older girls, so it seemed, and so was Blaise. But of course, they would never pass up a chance to bring out their charm on other girls. He then said, "Well of course not. There can only be one Slytherin Prince, after all." He smirked at Astoria and winked at her after saying this.

When she asked about his summer, it was even worse than before. His summer was nothing but watching his mother burst into tears constantly because of Lucius's Azkaban sentence, preparing to be inducted into the Death Eaters, and just sheer terror. It was one summer that he will never forget no matter how hard he tried. He'd have nightmares about those sleepless nights for years to come. He just knew it.

Draco shook his head and then shrugged. He then said,"It was eventful, I can tell you that. I had a long summer as well."

[samixx]

When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,

[/color][/size]

But it flew away from her reach,[/color][/size]
So she ran away in her sleep,

* - - - -[/color]

astoria let what he said to her sink in for a while. he only called her a baby because she was the youngest, which was something she had always hated. astoria, though younger than daphne, was certainly the more mature of the greengrass daughters. she certainly accomplished a lot more, though she was merely being biased. she loved daphne, don't get her wrong, she simply always strived to be the better daughter, but most paid more attention to her older sister simply because of age. just because she was fifteen, everyone assumed astoria was still a child. even though she knew draco didn't mean it, it always made her wonder what it would be like to be the older child. perhaps more people would take her seriously. perhaps what had happened over the summer wouldn't have really happened to her because she would've been strong enough to defend herself. astoria kept trying to make excuses for what had happened.

she strove to find a reason behind what had happened to her, thinking that it was her fault, though it truly wasn't. she was in denial, obviously, and she still hadn't told anyone about the ordeal. well, except for maybe noah. she felt that if draco ever found out, he'd think she was dirty. thought that the innocence he loved about her would be spoiled and he wouldn't want anything to do with her. she couldn't ruin her reptuation with draco. that sounded so idiotic, but it truly meant everything to her to be loved and cared for by the slytherin boy. after all, they were the cutest couple around. at least, among the slytherin girls. her friends had always told her it was meant to be, but she knew she couldn't force anything or overthink it because she didn't want to ruin what they already had, whatever that was.

she pretended to pout, pushing out her bottom lip at him. "watch what you say malfoy. your cockiness might earn you a punch," she teased him gently. she couldn't help but laugh, knowing perfectly well that she would never lay a hand on him. she couldn't. not after everything the two had been through. she would be his number one support system if she could. there were things he knew about her that no one else knew, so there was no room for astoria to judge him or forget him. she didn't want to forget him. he had been an essential part of her life and she only hoped that they could keep it that way. it worried her that he would be graduating before she was and she'd have to survive her seventh year alone, seeing as the majority of her friends were all older than her. she knew she'd be lonely, especially after this year when her best friend, noah, was leaving her to go out into the real world.

she shook her head at his comment. "i know you won't hurt me. i don't mind it all, i swear. it's just that....nevermind." she trailed off and decided to keep it to herself. she couldn't risk telling him and having him think differently of her. she didn't want his pity or his disgust. she wasn't prepared for how he would take the news. there were times when astoria couldn't predict draco's reactions, which often times made her nervous about telling him personal things. however, she had gotten this far with him and they knew each other so well, how could he run from her now? she left her hand in his, feeling him wrap his own around hers and she instantly felt safe. something she hadn't felt in a long time. even though she could tell there was something bothering him as well, she was glad that they could at least connect in this small way, even if it was a small gesture.

his words stung her slightly and she knew she had to tell him. she could trust him. he just proved that he was going to be there for her no matter what. she promised she'd tell him. "oh, don't talk like that. you don't have to be the brightest in the world. you'll always be good enough for me," she squeezed his hand lightly and smiled, her eyes locked on their hands closed around one another's. his next comment made her laugh, which was something she hadn't felt natural enough to do in a while, though it only last for a very brief moment. she was still thinking about what he said. would he really be there for her? would he stand by her side even when she told him the truth of what happened over the summer? "and that slytherin prince is you, huh?" she teased him with a smirk.

she nodded at his response to her question, knowing very well that something was up, but she wouldn't press the topic. if he wanted to tell her, he would. and if he couldn't, she would wait. astoria would wait forever for him if she could because he meant everything to her. her smirk dropped and was replaced with a straight face, astoria's mind processing a million thoughts per second. i have to just do it. he'll stand by me. and if he doesn't, i have noah. just do it. she inhaled sharply and turned her hand in his, interlacing her fingers with his. she knew that if pansy saw her or caught either of them like this, astoria would be dead. after all, pansy full-heartedly believed that the two were meant for one another. she turned completely to face him, her head still tilted down to look at their hands.

she could feel her face burning again and her heart pounding, but she had to just tell him, but she was unsure if the words would make it out of her mouth. "draco...what you said about me always having you....do you mean it? because i really think i need you," she managed. she could hear the choking sound in her voice and the painful tone as she spoke and she winced at the sound of her own voice. she could feel her eyes stinging, threatening tears once more. the memories overwhelmed her. she could feel the hands, the pain, the tearing of her clothes. everything from the summer was flooding back, but she had already opened herself up and made herself vulnerable in front of the malfoy boy. there really was no going back at this point.

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words;eep!
notes; theyre cute!
outfit; here!
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by coldplay!

[/center]

[draco]

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Draco had to make a mental note to himself to not call her baby greengrass or something in that nature as much anymore. Because he was sure that it was really beginning to bother her a bit. He respected her, despite her age. He did see that she was the mature one of the Greengrass sisters. But he didn't always show that he did. Because if he did, it might cause problems with Daphne, and as close knit as Daphne and Pansy are, Pansy would raise hell for him because he didn't say how mature her best friend was. It just would cause problems that were unnecessary. He was proud to be her friend though, because he knew she was destined for greatness. He just knew that if anyone was going to succeede in the house of Slytherin, if anyone, it would be Astoria. She had the attitude, the drive, and who didn't love a face like hers?

Now that he thought about it, he realized that he really was going to miss her when he graduated. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he was going to come back for his seventh year. At the rate he's going, he's barely in school this year. He manages to get to most of his classes, but most of the time he's planning or thinking about the tasks. Or he's just spacing out or sleeping in class. Because he barely gets enough rest at night because he's waking up to night terrors thanks to what he has seen over the summer, and what he imagines that he will see in the future. But either way, he was going to miss Astoria. She may have been his only real friend here at Hogwarts. Besides Blaise, and occasionally Theodore (depending on his mood), anyway.

Crabbe and Goyle were pretty much just there to be body guards, and the girls just stuck around for his money, charm, or they were part of Pansy's main clique of girls. But Astoria, she was different. He didn't know for sure, but he always had a feeling that if he had lost all his money because of something, and he didn't flirt all the time, Astoria would still be there. But that theory had never been tested out because he still had the Malfoy fortune and he flirted with girls all the time. Well, not as much now that he had a girlfriend and he knew he couldn't go there anyway. He and Astoria were the perfect couple, though they weren't a couple. Not at all. They were friends, just friends, and Draco was just about sure that's all they were ever going to be. The way things were going. Plus Draco was too afraid of Pansy and her temper to dump her.

Draco smirked and then said back to the Slytherin, "Sorry, love, but I think the mudblood beat you to that. But thanks for letting me know." He winked at her again. He didn't really realize he called her love, but that really didn't matter, since he meant it in a friendly way. He knew he loved her, and that was that. In what way, he didn't know, but he was going to make sure she knew that he loved her somehow. He then realized he was still holding her hand, and he knew that Pansy would skin him alive, and probably Astoria too if she found out about this. But his hand remained holding hers. He didn't want to let go if he didn't have to. She didn't seem to mind, so it was a friendly gesture.

Pansy was most definitely the jealous type. She jumped every time Draco said or did one little thing that upset her when it came to their relationship. One big reason why Draco didn't like her so much. Because he never knew if he was pushing boundaries and he felt like he was drowning all the time with her. Like he had to watch what he said all the time, and how he behaved. He couldn't be himself and that bothered him. At least around Astoria he could relax and let her see his flirtious, calm and not half bad real personality. He still wasn't the nicest guy around, but he was better around some people.

When she started going on about how it was okay for him to touch her, and it's fine, but then she stopped herself, that was when Draco realized that something was wrong. Something was really bothering her, and she was afraid to share it. He wanted to tell her to tell him, but he wasn't going to force her to say it if she didn't want to. Because he knew that he wouldn't like that if she was trying to pry into his buisness. He had a secret, and so did she. They both didn't want to tell each other what it was, but at the same time, they did. Draco wondered what it could be though, that she felt she couldn't tell him about it. Baby Greengrass always told him her secrets, and in return he told her his. Because they both knew they could keep them and not tell anyone. After all, what was the point of having a secret if you didn't have a trustworthy friend to tell it to?

Draco couldn't help but give Astoria one of his extremely rare, practically on the endangered list at this point, genuine smiles when she told him that he was always good enough for her. He never thought he was all that smart. How could he? Granger beat him in every exam, and he couldn't even figure out how to kill someone and to fix a bloody cabinet. Surely someone with an actual brain could do that. But he wondered...if Astoria really knew what he was, that it would still be true. That he was still good enough for her. He believed the Death Eaters to be the lowest. Not below mudbloods and bloodtraitors, maybe, but in reality, they were simply slaves. To the Dark Lord. Would Astoria still think him to be the amazing guy she thinks he is if she knew that he was one of them? That he was almost a murderer? He doubted it. He doubted anyone would care for him after this. His soul would be tainted. No one would want someone with a tainted soul.

He squeezed Astoria's hand back lightly and the smile remained on his face. He was finally relaxing. He knew that he really couldn't afford this distraction, especially if something went wrong and he had to start all over, but he couldn't because time had run out. If that happened he would be punished, and his father would look down on him, and he'd probably be killed off along with Narcissa as a warning, or a reminder to the other Death Eaters that failure was not an option; especially at this far in preparing for the war. It was here already, pretty much. People were dying and going missing, and more people were being recruited for both the order, and the Death Eaters. Even if he couldn't really afford the distraction, he welcomed it. Just this once. Besides, Astoria was addicting. He could get used to having someone to joke around with when his tasks became to stressful. He couldn't bring himself to shoo her way. It wasn't like he was doing anything at this hour anyway. All he was was sitting here like a lazy bum, and he waved her over to begin with.

"Well it's nice to hear that you think that. But sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, you know? Everyone expects so much of me since I'm the Malfoy heir. But I'm still just a person. Not some super hero like Potter," Draco said with a sigh. He mentally cursed himself again. Why did he always do that? He always spilled his heart in front of Astoria. It was simply ridiculous. But at least he wasn't lying to her. But it helped to have someone to spill his feelings to right now. He used to do that to his mother, but nowadays for her protection he shut her out of his life. Plus he wanted his independence. But Astoria, he knew, would probably pester him until he spilled so why bother fighting it?

Draco smirked lightly and he nodded, then said in a teasing manner, "Of course the Slytherin Prince is me. Can't very well be Goyle or something, can it? Besides, I'm the leader in our group, I do believe. So that automatically makes me royalty. But...maybe someday you can be Slytherin royalty too. After all, you're already the Ice Queen." He wasn't really quite sure what he meant by she could be royalty with him someday. Did he mean that someday they will get married and she would be his wife, therefore the Slytherin Princess or Queen? Or did he just truly mean it in a teasing way? He didn't know, and he shook his head mentally because he knew he was going off analyzing things again. He reminded himself again and again to stop doing that. He kept saying it in his head over and over as well to make sure it sunk in.

But what worried him was that as he continued to watch her, she looked like she was having some sort of internal conflict of her own. He was sure he looked the same way. But she almost looked scared to say something, whereas he just looked stern or distant. Again, he had the feeling to just beg her to spit it out, whatever it was. There really wasn't any possible way that he could help her with whatever problem she ewas facing if he didn't even know whawt it was. Though as he thought this, Draco felt like a complete hypocrite. Here he was thinking that she needed to tell him because she needed comfort, and he wanted to help solve it, and he felt like he did something wrong because she wouldn't tell him. But in reality, he was doing the same thing to her. He wouldn't tell her about his problem, so she couldn't do any of those things for him. Though his secret was the difference between life and death. He was specifically told not to breath a word of his induction into the Death Eaters to anyone.

He was sure that anyone meant Astoria too. Especially gentle, innocent Astoria. But what she said next to him took him by surprise. He could hear the crack in her voice, the terror. It was like she was afraid to say what she was saying. She looked more upset than he had ever seen her. Than he ever had seen anyone at all, besides his mother when she found out about his father's Azkaban sentence and Draco's induction into the Death Eaters. This made him a bit angry, actually, a lot angry. Not at Astoria though; never at Astoria. He was furious with whoever or whatever caused her to feel this way. Who made her look so vulnerable. He was finally starting to see what everyone else was talking about when it came to her.

"Of course I mean it, Astoria. Some things I say may be harsh, but everything I say I mean. Of course I'm always going to be here for you. You might not like it, but you'll always be my Baby Greengrass. And if you need me right now, I'm here. Whatever you need. What is it?" Draco said. He softened his look so he seemed easier to talk to. He focused on Astoria, giving her his full attention. He was going to be there for her no matter what. He had to. Because being there for her problem, felt like he had a purpose other than to be Voldemort's little puppet. He felt like he wasn't entirely evil. He was good in some way.

[samixx]

When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,

[/color][/size]

But it flew away from her reach,[/color][/size]
So she ran away in her sleep,

* - - - -[/color]

astoria couldn't help but worry slightly about her future. well, hers and draco's as well. though she still had two years with the boy, he, the slytherin boys, and her sister's group of girlfriends had been her existence at hogwarts. without being 'in' with the older kids, she probably would've been nothing. well, not necessarily true. she would've made sure to terrorize the young ones and would've kept up with the slytherin standard, but she wouldn't have had as many older friends and she probably wouldn't have gained her popularity like she had now. she also couldn't help thinking about parkinson and draco. perhaps, with her good fortune, things would end between the older slytherins and astoria would be given her chance in the spotlight. after all, no one liked a clingy psycho, which is exactly what astoria saw in pansy. granted, the parkinson's were very close family friends of the greengrass heritage, astoria couldn't help but dislike the girl, simply because their competitive spirits towards gaining true love in the form of draco had always been between the two girls. astoria glanced over at him and she couldn't help but smile inwardly. draco was someone she would always stand up for her and would stand behind, no matter what the cost.

she had heard rumors around the slytherin commons about draco becoming a death eater and while astoria didn't want to believe it, she wouldn't have been surprised if the rumors were true. after all, his family was very close to the dark lord and it would explain why her parents had become so protective over daphne and herself lately, probably in an attempt to make sure neither of them were harmed by the dark lord. either way, she had already made up her mind that if it were true, she'd stay beside him because she knew no one else would. knowing parkinson, she'd run, despite her attempts at acting tough and putting up a strong front. the girl would probably turn up her nose at helping someone, even if they were close. well, stori wasn't sure of that, she simply assumed based off of the things daphne had told her in confidentiality. she let out a laugh at his comment, unable to contain herself. she remembered her second year when she came to the common room and found him surrounded by crabbe, goyle, and of course, pansy fawning over him. his nose had been bleeding, but she didn't dare ask what had happened. instead, she let the rumors come to her. she wasn't the type to snoop around in other peoples' business, unlike some she knew.

"you know i'd never hit you. i don't think i'd have any reason to," she smirked. she looked down at their hands and for a split second, thought about taking her hand away. if anyone caught them like this, pansy would find out, and then astoria and draco would be in hot water with pansy. granted, astoria wasn't really afraid of pansy, she couldn't afford any spotlight right now, considering what had happened and enough rumors were being spread about what people thought had happened this summer. it quickly brought the sinking feeling back into her chest and she felt as though she would be unable to breathe. little greengrass had never felt this helpless in her life, except maybe when she was a toddler and couldn't do things on her own and needed help. she tried to stuff her feelings away. she needed to tell someone. draco, to be exact. she told him everything, even though she didn't like to be openly vulnerable. he always had patience for her, surprisingly, and vice versa.

a genuine smile broke out across his features and astoria felt her heart pounding. she hadn't seen that smile in ages and it comforted her to know that deep down, draco was still in there and still had emotions, though maybe he didn't want to share them as openly with her these days. she took a deep breath, returning the smile. of course he was enough for her. how could he not be? she knew that no matter what happened in their lives or what their futures held, he would take care of her. when it came to love, there was no one else for astoria and there never had been. sure, several boys she flirted and teased and toyed with, but never anyone she genuinely had feelings for, which was frustrating because it seemed as though every damn slytherin girl wanted in on the action with draco malfoy, slytherin prince, and soon to be king once he was a seventh year, she was sure of it.

"Well it's nice to hear that you think that. But sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, you know? Everyone expects so much of me since I'm the Malfoy heir. But I'm still just a person. Not some super hero like Potter." she thought about what he said for a moment, unsure of how to reply back to him. she wanted to tell him that she believed in him. that she loved him and he certainly was good enough, no matter how much he didn't want accept the fact. she knew there was a lot riding on him, especially since he was the only malfoy child and she knew how narcissa and lucius could be. after all, they were like her second family and she saw some pressure put on her by narcissa, even though she wasn't necessarily her blood daughter. she felt sorry for him. she knew it must've been hard, but she couldn't truly understand it because she wasn't him and she didn't have his parents. "i know it's hard to believe, but you really are good enough. trust me. even though you don't think you are, you'll always be good enough for someone. you're going to go far and prove that you'll bring pride to the malfoy name. you don't have to be a super hero like potter," she replied warmly. even though she knew she was struggling inside, she had to be the best she could be for him and keep him happy. she needed to be his daily reminder that he was doing fine and that he just needed to keep going. she wanted to tell him that she didn't love potter. being a super hero didn't mean instant gratification. it simply meant a lot of people talked about you and put you up on a pedestal, which was much more stressful.

she chuckled at his comment, though she wasn't really sure of what he meant by it. she hoped that she could be royalty and keep up the slytherin name, especially if it meant one day being by draco's side permanently. she could feel something there at times between them, but other times, she just couldn't be sure if the feelings were reciprocated. "well, i do hope the opportunity will present itself," she teased him. she had absolutely no idea what she was even saying, but it sounded appropriate at he time. she could feel his quizzical glances as she changed the subject, knowing it was now or never and she would rather tell him what had happened than allow him to find out from rumors or gossip that was spread. she knew he wouldn't tell, but there was still that fear that he would drop her in an instant. what is it? his words kept echoing through her head as she asked herself the same question.

she felt like she was being strangled from the inside again as she opened her mouth, and closed it, no sound really coming out. she was scared. she didn't want to be the weak one here. that wasn't her job. her job was to keep supporting him no matter what a and she always put draco first before herself, but she knew there was no going back now. he already had his suspicions. "draco. something happened this summer at my family's gala. do you remember that? i disappeared halfway through the night?" she questioned him, unable to even look at him. she clenched her jaw, glaring at the ground, forcing herself not to cry. she was already humiliated as it was. she let go of his hand pulled her arms across her chest, sort of hugging herself, her fingers rubbing her forearm in an attempt to calm her nerves. she inhaled sharply and felt the first tear fall, knowing it was soon to be followed by many more.

she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling herself trembling. she couldn't do it. she couldn't dirty her reputation. she couldn't let the world know that he had won. "w-w-wari.. she could barely get his name out as she felt her whole body going into panic mode. as if just by saying his name he would appear. "warring. ton. found me that night and dragged me into the barn. i tried screaming, but no one was close enough to hear us and he....he rap---" she couldn't get the word out. she squeezed her eyes shut, wishing the horrific memory would just go away and the nightmares. she felt herself trembling and she didn't bother wiping her tears away because she knew they'd simply keep falling. he won. she let him win. she was so terrified of him and that was all he wanted, to knock her down off her pedestal. her breathing became unsteady as she choked for air silently, unable to even cast a glance at him to see his reaction.

[/font]
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words;eep!
notes; theyre cute!
outfit; here!
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by coldplay!

[/center]

[draco]

----------------------------------------------------------------------

While Astoria was concerned about her future once everyone left her, because all of her friends were older than her, so it seemed, Draco wasn't worrying about his future. He had convinced himself he didn't have one. He figured he'd just do his job for the Dark Lord, and then he'd just live low key for the rest of his life. Or get throw into Azkaban for the things his father had done, or the things that he was forced to do. For the murder of Albus Dumbledore that was supposed to be occuring that year. He had given up the idea of leaving school, working at the Ministry and rising in status there, getting married to a beautiful and caring women, and maybe someday having a son or daughter.

He knew that he'd probably never get any of this, which was another reason why he didn't want to be too close to Astoria. Because he didn't want to condemn her to the same fate as he was. She was still young and had her whole life ahead of her. She wasn't being threatened by the Dark Lord, or being gaurnteed a life of suffering. And he'd be damned if he ever let that happen to Astoria. She was his precious, in a way. He would protect her with his life. Her, his mother, and his father were the only ones who were on that list.

"I hope not, Stori. I don't plan on doing anything that would make you feel the need to punch me," said Draco with a light chuckle. He never did anything to purposely piss her off. She may look delicate and small, but he knew she bit back and she would cause him great pain if she wanted to. Though he made sure not to let it ever get to that point. He teased her and whatnot but he always knew when to back off.

"Thank you, Stori. It's nice knowing that at least someone thinks so. And sorry for going all serious right there," Draco said awkwardly. She was the only one who got to see his awkward, insecure side because he knew that she wasn't going to judge him like the others would. He did the same in return. She could tell him just about anything and he'd always love her and consider her to be his closest friend.

But when she started crying, and telling him everything he felt his fists clench and a sudden feeling of boiling rage. Not towards Astoria, not ever. He wanted to brutally murder the guy who did that to her. Someone took the innocence from his precious baby greengrass. Things like that didn't go unnoticed. But now was not the time to be angry. Now was the time to be the comforting person. As he saw the crying face of Astoria he felt his heart melt. He almost started crying, himself. It was pathetic.

It was hard to think about someone taking advantage of someone as innocent as Astoria. It pained him to think about someone shoving Astoria against something, or tearing her clothes off while she screamed out in terror. But he felt a deep feeling of guilt. When she disappeared, that guy had asked him where she went. He had something to tell her, and Draco thought nothing of it and said he figured she'd just wandered off. Draco felt like he could've done something.

He suddenly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He understood why she didn't like people touching her all of a sudden. Why she wasn't as bold as before. She was scared, and she probably felt guilty. He then whispered softly, "Don't cry, Stori. It wasn't your fault. I promise that I'll get him back for you. Just please calm down."

[samixx]

When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,

[/color][/size]

But it flew away from her reach,[/color][/size]
So she ran away in her sleep,

* - - - -[/color]

"even if you pissed me off, i probably wouldn't punch you. it's too much effort," she teased him lightly. she felt her thoughts gripping her and a pang of fear as she sat there with him. what if he was watching her? what if he magically was back at hogwarts? that was her biggest fear. if she ever ran into the boy at school again, she'd have nowhere else to turn. she would have no safe haven. hogwarts was pretty much all she had that kept her semi safe from his grip, but if he came back, she would have no way of being able to cope. she had been traumatized enough and she already let him win by having the fear of him. she feared getting married. she feared having kids. she feared falling in love, even if it was with draco because of what had happened. she didn't want people to think less of her or think she was weak because of what had happened to her. she didn't need the pity or special treatment.

"it's okay, we all have our serious moments," she responded quietly. she felt her hands trembling and she knew what was about to happen. she only prayed that draco could brace himself for the drama that was about to ensue. astoria was sure that he had enough on his plate to worry about and certainly didn't need to be worrying about her problems. after all, she was a big girl. astoria could take care of herself, though right now it seemed to be the complete opposite. she needed someone to protect her from this. she could handle the death eaters always being in her home and meeting or watching her parents go to those meetings and keeping the secrets from her. she was strong enough to handle it, but knowing that she had her dignity ripped away from her, astoria couldn't even stand up straight for god's sake. she hated herself more and more as she sat there crying in front of him.

every weakness. every dark circle under her eyes, her weight loss, the fact that none of her clothes fit her properly any more, the glimmer of charm and sarcasm in her eyes, and her sharp tone had all disappeared and now her secret had finally come out, though she didn't want to admit it. she was still in denial herself and now here she was telling him. she could feel herself caving in and her thoughts eating her away as she sat there, helpless in front of him. it was a feeling she was all too familiar with lately and she cursed herself in her mind, wishing she could just disappear. she wanted to go far, far away from the uk. get out of this place and find safety. maybe start a new life. that was a bit extreme and rather dramatic, but astoria couldn't help it. she just wanted to go back to being normal, but that was easier said than done.

she flinched as he wrapped her arms around her. they had never really embraced all that often and it wasn't something she was entirely familiar with. she was still jumpy over the incident that summer and was paranoid, but she had to remind herself in her mind that it was just draco. he wasn't going to hurt her. her tense body slowly relaxed in his grip and she knew he could sense it. she tucked her face into his neck, pressing herself as tightly against him as possible. she was terrified. everywhere she went and everyone she encountered had her turning over her shoulder every few seconds making sure that no one was following her or that no one would find out. she was the ice queen and she needed to grow up and act like it. she didn't understand why she was being so harsh to herself. it wasn't like it was her fault.

"please don't tell. no one can find out, they'll think i'm weak," she mumbled quietly, hiccuping after every few words. she bit her lip in an attempt to stop the crying, but it was no use. everything she kept bottled up was now coming out and in front of the one person she never wished to see her like this. "there's nothing you can do, draco. he's won. he has me fearing for my life. checking around every corner, peeking over my shoulder every few minutes. i can't eat, i can't sleep, i can't even think long enough before the nightmares come back...i'm nothing," she whispered quietly. she pulled away from him slightly, enough so that she could look at him. and for the first time, she forced herself to look him in the eye and it was so apparent. that helpless, vulnerable, sleep-deprived, haunted look was etched upon her features so obviously, it would've broken anyone's heart to see it. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry you have to see me like this. i'm supposed to be here for you and cheering you up, not crying about my stupid problems," she apologized quickly.

[/font]
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words;eep!
notes; theyre cute!
outfit; here!
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by coldplay!

[/center]

[draco]

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A wide range of emotions went through Draco's head all at once when Astoria first told him what was really going on with her. Why she was cutting herself off from everyone and not being the tough girl that Draco once knew. He didn't really know what to think. He certainly did not blame her for what happened. He knew that was wrong to think that, because no girl would ever ask to be raped the way she was. It made him physically sick to believe someone could blame this on her, saying that she asked for it.

He felt sorry for everything he thought about her before now. He was upset with her that she would abandon him in his time of need because he was a Death Eater. That she wouldn't let him even touch her arm because he wasn't up to her standards. He was actually a bit angry at her for it, as well as upset. But he wished he could take all those feelings back right now. Because while he was sitting there thinking of himself and how she was wrong to just ditch him in a time of need, he was leaving her in a time of need. She was going through a crisis here and all he could think about was himself.

He was going to say something like, 'Look on the bright side. At least you're not pregnant!', but for one, he didn't know that for sure. And two, that was just inappropriate and wouldn't end up sounding right. There was no bright side to any of this. He felt guilty, because he felt like if he would've spent more time with Astoria at the gala, or went to find Astoria as soon as he found out she disappeared, he could've, he would've been able to stop him. Astoria would've been okay right now. They'd be laughing and teasing right now, not him holding her and hoping she feels better someday.

Draco really didn't know how to help Astoria and he hated it. That there was nothing that he could do to make his baby greengrass feel better. He knew she probably felt dirty, or guilty, or weak. And she wasn't any of those. It wasn't her fault, she's still the innocent girl she was before, and she's one of the strongest girls Draco has ever met. There were so many things he wanted to do to that guy. He could just imagine the many, brutal, horrifying ways he could torture and kill him for what he did to Astoria. He had so much fury in him right now because of it, that he probably wouldn't even show remorse for doing it. That guy really deserved it in Draco's mind.

But this made Draco come to realize something. If he wanted to kill off Headmaster Dumbledore, he needed this kind of feeling. This fury, this hatred. If he wanted to kill him, he was going to have to pretend that by killing Dumbledore, he was killing off the scumbag who raped his baby greengrass. It would take a great deal of convincing himself, but if he did it, he could manage to pull off the task. And that would mean that he and his mother would be safe. He felt a little relaxed at this thought, because with that kind of thinking all he had to focus on now was the Vanishing Cabinet in the Room of Requirement. But he tore his thoughts away from this again as he knew he needed to concentrate on Astoria now.

Draco felt good inside, deep down. That Astoria would choose him out of everyone in the whole school to tell a secret like this two. That meant she trusted him, and he never really felt like anyone truly trusted him. They'd tell him little secrets, but nothing as big as this. But he wasn't going to give Astoria a reason to regret this. He was going to keep it to himself as long as she wanted him to. But a little voice at the back of his head kept telling him that he needed to tell a Professor or something. Get him hauled off to Azkaban, or worse, muggle prison for what he did to Astoria. Anything to punish him.

Draco lightly rubbed Astoria's back as he continued to hold her close. He felt her press to him, but he continued to hold her. It wasn't until this moment did he realize that this had never happened before. He had never really held Astoria in his arms before. In fact, he hadn't even hugged her since they were real small. But it felt...right in a way. He didn't feel the need to question this one. He was going to be there for her no matter what. Like he said, he wasn't going to lie about it. He loved her too much for that. She was there for him during all his problems, and it was about time he returned the favour.

When she pulled away from him just a little bit he didn't fight it. He wasn't going to press anything on her right now. He wouldn't anyway, but especially not right now. It was now that he could see just how fragile she looked. She hadn't been eating, or sleeping, and he could tell. He never really looked close enough to see it since he got back. Hell, he hadn't been this close to her in forever. It was different, but he liked the feeling that someone could confide in him and feel safe.

"Astoria Calypso Greengrass, you are not nothing, and you are not weak. Your problem is not petty or stupid. It's big, and I promise I won't tell if you don't want me to. You don't always have to be the tough one. You're allowed to have emotions too. You told me that, remember?" Draco said to her, firmly using her full name so that she got the fact he was serious. But his tone was gentle, like he was trying to be comforting as well. This tone was never heard by anyone, except for Astoria. Not even Pansy had heard it before. "He may have won for now, but don't let him know that. Keep your head high, and be the Astoria I know. The one who doesn't take crap from anyone. I know it's hard right now, but you have to try. Please. I promise you...you have nothing to worry about ever again. Because I will always be here to protect you. I promise," Draco said, holding Astoria's hand firmly towards the end.

His voice started to crack a little as he made the promise. Could he really keep such a promise? Especially since he didn't know if he would live. He told himself firmly in his head that he wouldn't break that promise. He was going to live, because he now truly had something worth living for. He was going to protect Astoria no matter what. It was one thing, when he knew that even if he didn't survive, and he left his mother on her own, she was a grown woman and could fight for herself. She was tough and could easily get herself someone to help her. But Astoria was a fifteen year old girl who was torn apart thanks to that loser and needed someone she coudl count on to protect her.

Draco wanted to live to make sure that no matter what happened, she'd be okay. He felt like he had a purpose now. Sure it made him feel weird, because it was more of a Gryffindor thing to be a protector, not so much a Slytherin thing. But he felt what he felt and he wasn't going to question this one. He leaned his head down, almost kissing the top of Astoria's head, but he stopped himself and stayed back. He wasn't sure how she'd take that because of what she had been through. He wasn't going to press anything like that on her.

Suddenly he wondered if he should tell her what his problem was, because it would be like a secret for a secret type thing. But he decided against it because it would feel wrong to do that in this type of situation. Their secrets were too big and too personally terrorizing to do so. Draco had never thought of others besides himself. He always thought that the world had revolved around him and that other's feelings didn't matter at all. But that had started to change over the years, luckily. But now was one of those times where he had to remember the world didn't revolve around him. It was time to listen to her problem, and be there for her. He could tell her about his problem later. He wondered if there will ever be a next time though. A next time where it would be appropriate to tell her what was going on with him. Probably not, since he was forbidden to speak of it anyway.

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When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,

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But it flew away from her reach,[/color][/size]
So she ran away in her sleep,

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she felt herself wanting to hyperventilate. the feeling of everything coming crashing down around her was just a heartbeat away. there was a lot on her mind over the past month and she thought she was going to absolutely lose her mind, so when she let the truth come out, she felt as though a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders, but she also felt as though her whole world was ruined. after all, no one wanted to admitted weakness. it wasn't part of the slytherin code of conduct that was unspoken, but understood by every student. each individual student strove to be the best, if not better than those around him or her. as for astoria, she was raised on perfection, taught that she should always stand up for herself, fight back, never compromise, and go for whatever she wanted, but here she was. she couldn't stand up for herself, she didn't know how to fight back, and she did more than just compromise. she had given in and given up.

she knew that if she was in draco's shoes, she would've had no idea how to deal with what had just happened. what was there to be said that could make either of them feel better? astoria had always understood her purpose in life was to care and fight for those that she was faithful to and loved unconditionally. that one person, excluding her family, was draco and she didn't need him fighting for her. astoria hated feeling weak or receiving sympathy. she didn't need unnecessary pity from anyone because it made her feel like a lost puppy, and astoria was no such thing. he began rubbing her back and she closed her eyes, frustrated with herself and with her emotions. she ran a hand through her hair, tugging on it slightly, out of a bad habit. she was frustrated with how she felt and she didn't really know how to fix the situation. all she knew was that her relationship with her favorite slytherin was about to become massively and increasingly complicated.

she could feel the tension in the air between the two of them as neither of them spoke, but he held her close, something she wasn't used to, but it felt so right, even though she felt some inch of guilt for betraying her older sister's friend. however, there was a little voice in the back of her mind telling her that it was fine. it was perfect. just the way she fit perfectly in his arms and her small frame complemented his almost perfectly. his words stunned her slightly, and she was unsure of how to respond, except she reached for his hand, interlacing her fingers with his. "i know. but you shouldn't have to see me weak. it's the worst representation of my personality," she replied quietly. her voice was slightly hoarse from the tears and hiccups, but she didn't even think about it or care anymore. it was draco and she, of course, was comfortable enough with him more so than anyone she knew.

his promise made her stomach churn and her heart pound because he had never promised her anything before. at least not seriously. of course, they had always joked with their promises, making promises that neither of them ever kept that were all in good fun, but for once, she could detect the sincerity in his voice and seriousness of their situation, which made her even more hopeful for their future, though she knew she could not let herself overthink or get ahead of herself. things always ended poorly whenever she let herself think too much. she felt him rest his chin on top of her head and she leaned against his chest, his heartbeat echoing her ears. she was at a loss for words because she hadn't seen this side of draco...well, ever. it was rather rare for them to get time alone these days and they never really were too serious to begin with. a million thoughts floated through her head, but all she could think of was the promise he made her. "thank you, draco. i wish i knew what more to say, but thank you," she finally answered quietly, squeezing his hand. she looked down at their fingers and couldn't help but wonder. if he still loved pansy, why was he holding her hand. she couldn't stop herself at the next words that came out her mouth. "i know you promised to protect me against him, but will you be able to protect me against pansy if she catches us like this?" she tried to joke, trying to lighten the situation, though she was still extremely traumatized. she attempted a small laugh, though it was obviously ungenuine. she was terrified. nervous. frightened. fearful. defeated. but none of that mattered, as long as draco was holding onto her and taking care of her. "you know i'll always try and protect you. i know i'm small, but you mean the world to me," she admitted quietly.

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words;eep!
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