perfectly lonely , astoria

[noahmarks]

Noah was ecstatic to be back to Hogwarts. Amidst darkening times in the wizarding world, Noah was glad to be reunited with his friends, some of which he thought of as family, at Hogwarts. Some people hadn’t been allowed to come back. Their parents felt their children would be safer with them and not at Hogwarts. Who were they kidding? Dumbledore was at Hogwarts. To Noah, Dumbledore was much more a wizard than Voldemort would ever be. He merely shook his head when he realized more and more of his classmates weren’t attending school this year. All of his best friends, however, were happily back at Hogwarts, thankfully.

After dinner, his friends were planning an outing on the grounds. They hadn’t all entirely caught up yet, seeing as they had spent the first few days just wreaking havoc on the castle, like old times. Finishing up dinner, his friends were heading upstairs to the common room to change some of their clothing. Noah, luckily, had already changed out of his robes before coming to dinner, so he wandered out onto the grounds before them. It was just about sunset, and he knew the view from the Black Lake was always spectacular at sunset. Heading over towards the water’s edge, he couldn’t help feeling a bit nostalgic about his years at the school and how they were abruptly coming to an end. Well, it wasn’t exactly abrupt. He’d been there for six full years now, but those years had seemed to fly by. He was never, ever kidding when he told underclassman that they should enjoy every little second of their time at Hogwarts. It had been the best time of his life, and he cringed at the thought of going out into the real world beyond Hogwarts and his education.

Noah wasn’t usually seen by himself. He didn’t like to be alone, actually. When he was alone, he found that he was too close to his thoughts, and his thoughts caused him to worry. Noah hated to worry, and he hated thinking about something too much. He was much better at being carefree and happy. Yet, he moved towards a place underneath a tree and set, facing the sunset. He tried not to think too much. Instead, he allowed himself to walk down memory lane, replaying some of his favorite moments from the past six years. Afterwards, he was only more determined to make his seventh year completely unforgettable. He knew that would be a promise he could keep. Even with the looming danger and tragedies of recent, Noah was sure he could manage to continue having a good time throughout the year, before he was tossed out into the cruel, real world.

Leaning back against the tree, he couldn’t help smiling softly. The sunset was absolutely magnificent, and his life was pretty damn good up to this point. He tried to block out the news and thoughts about the Dark Lord. Of course, many people were worrying about those things of late. But, Noah had faith in Harry Potter and his friends. In fact, Noah planned on becoming a member of the Order of the Phoenix after he was finished with schooling. There was no doubt that he was on their side. Finding himself becoming slightly bored, he wondered what was taking his friends so long. Normally they couldn’t wait to just sit around on the grounds and talk about girls, pranks, or anything else for hours. Looking towards the castle, he didn’t see his friends. Shaking his head and laughing softly, he continued to wait, allowing his eyes to be preoccupied by the sunset ahead of him.

[samixx]

astoria was quiet as she climbed the stairs leading from the dungeons and the slytherin common room. she didn't exactly know what to say to anyone around her. the beginning of her fifth year certainly hadn't started out the way she wanted it to and she didn't know where to turn. though stori was quite outgoing and usually the biggest bitch around, she didn't know what to even say anymore. she was still figuring out how to make sense of her life and every time she turned around, she could feel people staring at her or judging her, though she knew it was just astoria being paranoid as hell. the slytherin ice queen was still in shock over what had happened to her and she couldn't bring herself to believe that it was real. astoria greengrass refused to let believe she let herself become so weak, but she knew it was true. she dragged her feet as she made her way to the great hall for dinner. she entered rather late and could feel the slytherin table staring at her and she avoided their gaze.

she felt alone, isolated, vulnerable. adjectives that simply did not agree with astoria's independent, overbearing personality. astoria kept her head ducked as she settled down at the table between her usual group of friends. they were all laughing, talking about their summer vacations and she couldn't help but cringe, flinching at all their words about how much fun they had and how much they missed it. astoria felt the exact opposite, however. she pushed the food around her plate with her fork, not taking more than two partial bites. astoria looked up, her blue eyes searching the dining hall for a familiar face. she noticed a few people at the ravenclaw and gryffindor tables, but she couldn't keep eye contact for long. she dropped her utensil on the table, frustrated with herself.

astoria, are you okay? astoria? the words were going in one ear and out the other. she felt a migraine coming on as she began to remember flashes of that night. the grabbing. the choking. the vulnerability. the pain. everything that astoria thought she could fight back against had overcome her. she quickly stood up from the table with such force, most of the people around her stopped talking and began staring at her quizzically. she could feel her eyes stinging and her stomach churning and she grabbed her wand from the table, tucking it into her boots. she was stalking down the aisles, headed straight for the door. she could feel the stares, but she ignored them and moved faster, finally making it out of the room. the halls had several people milling about, chatting with one another, but she didn't care. she began picking up her pace, pushing past people, fighting back tears. she felt so humiliated as she made it outside on the ground and the first tear fell.

she hated the change in her personality. astoria had been so strong and one of the most intimidating girls, but here she was crying like a hufflepuff, which she found more embarrassing than anything else. she took off towards the lake, knowing she could go to her favorite place and have peace and be alone. she began to run, tearing down the path, trying to get away as quickly as possible so that no one would see her. she ran her arm across her eyes, wiping away the tears as she moved. greengrass! she turned her head instinctively, her heart pounding in fear. she couldn't let anyone see her like this. however, she didn't realize she wasn't paying much attention and found her accidentally running into something. or rather, someone. "sorry," she blurted quickly, flinching at the feeling of her skin coming into contact with someone else's. her heart stopped when she realized who it was. noah, her best friend. out of anyone else, she could not let him know because she was extremely embarrassed.

"noah, h-hey! what are you doing out here?" she mumbled quietly, unable to look him in the eyes. she rubbed her eyes again, knowing fully that they were red, but she didn't know what else to do. she could lie and say it was allergies or something stupid, but she could only hope that he would buy it. she bit the inside of her mouth, making sure she didn't say anything stupid.

[noahmarks]

Noah was starting to get impatient now. In fact, he was starting to think that maybe his friends had stood him up. He could picture them all now, sitting around and laughing in the common room, thinking about him sitting down here and waiting. Nah, they wouldn’t do something like that. Noah was usually the ringleader, in charge of all the planning and pranking. They wouldn’t dare to prank him, would they? He couldn’t help chuckling a bit to himself. Actually, he would find that very admirable of them, and he would feel a bit, well, proud. Some of his friends were a year or two younger, and they were working their way into the group. They were shaping out well, but only time would tell if they would be able to carry on his reputation after he left the school.

Instead of sitting down, Noah stood up, feeling his legs starting to fall asleep. He was about ready to head back towards the castle, seeing as the sun was fallen and the sky was growing a bit darker. It was still light outside, seeing as the sunset would illuminate the skies for about an hour after setting. He knew that the rules were stricter this year. All students were prohibited to be outdoors after dark, and as much as he loved trouble, he wasn’t sure he was up to getting detention in the first week of classes. Standing, he stretched his legs out a bit, yawning and stretching his arms above his head at the same time.

Noah wasn’t given much time to think about going back to the castle on his own before something, actually someone, bounced off of him with pretty good force. Noah was about to be incredibly pissed. With a quick temper, something as silly and stupid as a simple accident could easily make Noah angry, and he could get rather fired up. However, he snapped his head towards the direction of the impact and he was instantly put at ease. It was Astoria Greengrass, a girl that Noah had come to think of as a second little sister after some bickering and arguing that he found rather enjoyable. There was nothing more that Noah loved than a good argument that was predominantly ruled by sarcasm. And that was their relationship, in a nutshell. They had started off with bickering back and force. Stori was known as a bit of an ice queen, whereas Noah is friendly, humorous, and oftentimes obnoxious. Being in the opposing houses, they were quick to argue. Noah found he respected her. That little girl could definitely hold her own. After that, they grew to be friends, as strange as it was. Noah looked after her like he did with Isabella. Stori was like a little sister to him.

Noah instantly knew something was wrong. He had never seen her like this before. The Astoria he knew and was friends with was strong, independent, and sarcastic at all times. He didn’t think he had ever seen her vulnerable, or with her guard down, as she looked in front of him right now. He didn’t want to corner her, or pressure her into telling him what was wrong, but he knew that something was definitely wrong. He smiled softly at her, hoping she would calm down a bit. “Hey, Astoria.” He couldn’t deny feeling happy to have run into her – literally. He hadn’t seen her all summer. Besides a few letters back and forth, they hadn’t spoken much. She’d been rather distant with him, and he was determined to find out why. “Besides getting run over by snobby little Slytherin girls?” He questioned, laughing softly. “I was waiting for some friends, but it looks like they stood me up.” He finished, smiling at her, hoping to lighten the mood. “What were you running from? Please don’t tell me I need to kick someone’s ass already. It’s only the first week of class.” He joked with her, playfully elbowing her. Of course, he would do that for her, but he had no idea what was wrong, and he wasn’t going to make any assumptions.

[samixx]

astoria became instantly humiliated and her vulnerability became blatantly apparent. though she stayed where she was, her mind was a blur as she thought about excuses she could use to get away from him. say she was late to meet someone. perhaps she could lie and say she was running away from...well.....she had never been a good liar. at times she had wondered how she could have possible ascended from the greengrass family tree, but there was no denying it. she felt her face grow hot and her heart rate increased rapidly. he smiled at her and her eyes took it in. and she had to close her eyes for a moment. she pictured him. strong hands, tall, pitch black hair and green eyes with olive skin. she opened her eyes again and she saw noah, but his height and hair reminded her of the other boy.

she took slow breaths, attempting to smile at what he said, but her heart just wasn't in it. "sorry, again." she replied quickly. "i'm sorry. it's never fun to be left alone," she answered him. she winced at what she said and realized what she had said and how many times she had apologized in the past minute. his next remark made her chuckle very faintly, but mostly out of fear of him finding out. he elbowed her and she flinched, letting out a quiet yelp. she slapped her hand over her mouth, realizing what she had just done and she felt her face growing red. she lowered her eyes and backed up away from him, closing her eyes again. "sorry, i don't know what that was. n-no one to beat up. i can take c-care of myself." she was well aware that she had been stammering as she spoke and she was so incredibly embarrassed.

she opened her eyes again and looked down at the ground, a hand dropping to her throat, her fingers resting gently on her pale skin. she could still feel him wrapping his hand around her neck and gently, but firmly choking her. she could hear his words in her ear. be a good girl. she could still feel him pulling her hair and the burning in her wrists when he grabbed them, pinning them above her head. she had tried to scream, but no sound came out. "i didn't mean to interrupt your thoughts or anything. i'm sorry," she added quickly. astoria couldn't bring herself to look at him and she was unaware of the fact that she was lightly scratching at her throat, turning her fair-coloured skin red where she scratched. "did you have a good dinner?" she didn't even know how to hold a proper conversation and she knew she was just embarrassing herself further.

[noahmarks]

Noah knew that something was wrong. But, he had a younger sister and Pippa, who was practically family, and he knew that trying to coerce her into telling him what was wrong was probably not the best way to attack the situation. Not that he wouldn’t want to know eventually. However, seeing her so clearly upset and shaken, he knew this was not the time to try and persuade her into telling him what was going on with her. Instead, he was going to attempt and steer the conversation somewhere else. He wanted to help in some way, and he figured it would be helpful to her to get her calmed down and a bit more relaxed. Hell, he really cared about her, like he did Isabella, and he didn’t want to see her this way.

She apologized then about six times in the space of two minutes, and he couldn’t help having a really, really bad feeling about what was bothering Astoria. He knew he didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but she seemed to be very distraught, almost as if she wasn’t there. If he’d found out that someone had hurt her, Noah would be out for blood. He had a very quick temper, and once angered, there was no turning back. Especially if the pain was inflicted on someone he cared about. As odd as a pairing that they were, Noah cared about Astoria. She was like his second little sister, and he wasn’t about to let anyone push her around or do anything else that she didn’t preapprove of.

He looked at her backing away from him, desperately trying to make eye contact and to settle her down a little bit. It was him – Noah. He wasn’t going to hurt her, yell at her, do anything to harm her. “Astoria. It’s okay.” He said softly, his voice almost pleading with her to calm down a little bit, because he was certainly scared for her safety and sanity. He wasn’t going to ask her what was wrong, he’d promised himself he wasn’t going to go at finding out that way. She was too distressed in this moment, and he knew she would think of it as a personal attack.

Before he could change the topic, she did, and although she didn’t seem convinced that she was having a normal conversation, Noah smiled at her softly. “My dinner was wonderful. Not as good as my mother’s, but it was the next best thing.” He laughed. There was nothing like his mother’s home-cooked meals. Hogwarts had magnificent food, but it just couldn’t compare to his mother’s dinners. “What about yours?” He questioned, taking the conversation one step at a time. He didn’t want to alarm her further, but he wanted her to know that he was here for her, if she needed anything at all.


ooc: yuck! not my best, i'm sorry. the next one will be better, i promise! xD

[samixx]

there were so many moments when astoria had gotten into trouble or had something distressing in her life and she ran to noah for help. he was her guardian; the big brother she never had. at hogwarts, astoria sometimes felt alone, even in a crowded room, but noah always took care of her. sure, it was weird to those around her, but as the self-proclaimed slytherin princess, she didn't have to explain herself around school. there were several instances this past week that astoria had wanted to just run to noah, throw herself into his arms as always, and beg him to rescue her like he usually did-but she couldn't. she couldn't tell him. if astoria knew an infamous temper, it was noah's and the problem was....he couldn't do anything this time. it wasn't someone who attended school or could easily be accessed and she was humiliated. astoria knew that if she told, she could be killed and she simply couldn't risk the vulnerability, though she knew that if she could tell anyone, it would be noah or narcissa.

they were like her second family, as odd as that sounded. she could feel him staring awkwardly at her, probably unsure of how to handle her. she wouldn't know how to handle her either if she was on the receiving end of this mess. she knew she shouldn't have backed up so easily or yelped. it wasn't like astoria and she was giving herself away too easily. she tried to present her cold, sarcastic self earlier, but she couldn't pull it off. the charming astoria partially came back out and she would make people laugh, which is how it all started and she panicked and just ran again. running seemed to be the only thing the girl remembered how to do properly and it was as though running was astoria's only option and all she could resort to. what had she become? she couldn't honestly answer that question. she didn't know who she was anymore. Astoria. It's okay. his voice pulled her back to reality and her chin lightly raised so that she was looking him in the eyes for once, though she was still fearful. she forced herself.

noah wouldn't hurt her. he was her best friend and he wouldn't harm her. she had to force herself to remember that. he spoke about his dinner and she half smiled, laughing quietly. well, it was a start. she meant it, but there was still that hint of sadness in her voice that she didn't openly notice, though she was sure noah would know. he knew her like the back of his hand and it was blatantly obvious that this astoria was screwed up and vulnerable, something she never showed. "honestly, i couldn't tell you. i only ate two bites and i don't quite remember that," she shrugged, trying to laugh it off, though it came off as rather forced. she bit her lip and turned away from him, looking out at the water. she continued scratching at her neck, not realizing that it was turning redder by the second. "i'm so glad i'm here away from home," she said mindlessly, but then she realized what she had just said and her eyes grew wide and her face grew hot. "that's not what i meant. i mean it just feels safer than home," she said quickly, but still realized she hadn't meant to say that either. "i'm sorry. i mean like, this is more of a home than mine," she tried to finish, but she was confusing herself and making herself frustrated, tears welled up behind her eyes, stinging and threatening to fall. she stared down at the ground, unable to even speak as the nightmare hit her again.



I SUCK d: I'M SORRY!

[noahmarks]

Astoria and Noah’s friendship was an odd one. His friends never failed to question him about his loyalty to the Slytherin ice queen and princess. They’d always ask what it was about her that made Noah so protective and brotherly. Noah would always just shrug it off and laugh at them. They would never be able to see Astoria the way he did. They were too close-minded about Slytherins in general. Astoria and Noah had started off with bickering and arguing that grew into quite the friendship. He was older than her, and Noah was naturally protective. Therefore, they formed the perfect brother-sister relationship that they upheld to this day. He was grateful for their opinionated brawls that they have had in the past. Noah loved a good argument, and he and Astoria had plenty of them before. She entertained and amused him. He now couldn’t picture his life without her.

There were many times in the past when she had asked for his help. Whether it had just been with some kind of assignment, or for something more advanced, such as problems with classmates, particularly Gryffindor students. Noah had always been helpful to her. He treated her as he treated Izzie. Astoria was like his second little sister, and he refused to allow her to suffer from anything at all. That was why it actually pained him to see her the way she was now. Stori wasn’t normally like this. Noah could never recall a time when she looked so frightened and vulnerable, even after all the times he’d come to her rescue before. He knew that she trusted him, so her not instantly telling him what was wrong was also strange, but he was determined to eventually find out the reason behind her distress.

He noted the half smile she gave him, and he beamed, glad to see a slice of the old Astoria somewhere deep within her cold and distraught appearance. There was just a hint of the girl he knew and adored. But, it was enough for now. It had brought her out of her misery for just a slight time, and that was all he could truly hope for. She began to speak and before he could scold her for not eating of her dinner, she had continued, and he listened intently, hoping to hear something slip from her lips that would indicate what had happened to her over the summer holiday.

She finished, and the gears were turning rapidly in his head. So, something had definitely happened while she was at home for the summer. It couldn’t have happened here. He was slightly relieved, seeing that she seemed to be happy, at least a little bit, to be back at Hogwarts. Also, he was happy to see that she felt safer here. If something had happened at Hogwarts, Noah knew he was bound to find out, and someone would definitely have a rude awakening coming. He saw how upset she had gotten once again, and he wanted to reach out to her and wrap her into a hug, but he felt hesitant, afraid of how she would react. “I know exactly how you feel.” He paused. “We spend so much time here, it’s almost like Hogwarts becomes home and home is more of a vacation.” He smiled softly, trying to break her back out of the tears and distress. He was silently pleading with his eyes, attempting to wake her up from the nightmare she appeared to be living in.

ooc: you do not! shush xD

[samixx]

astoria knew she got so much crap for being friends with a gryffindor, none the less, someone who really supported the order. while stori sided with the death eaters, there was no way that she would actually become one. she simply hoped the war would end soon so that she could return to a normal life of remaining neutral towards the blood war. she simply had to remain loyal to the dark lord because of her parents' association and the fact that she wanted to stay alive. she didn't dare bring it up with noah though she knew that he was probably well-aware of her association. she simply kept her opinions like that to herself in order to avoid any fighting or losing her big brother. they had made it this far and she didn't want to damage their friendship now. she liked looking back and laughing about the stupid arguments they once shared. after all, that was how they first met. they got into a heated argument, and then from there, they really enjoyed each other's company. sure, she was known for being the ice queen and he was the pride and joy of the gryffindor quidditch team, but they got along so well.

she knew in her heart that telling him wouldn't really affect her, seeing as he would keep her secret and such. the only problem was, astoria knew the temper he was capable of producing and she didn't want to get him involved. however, it was eating her alive to keep the secret from the two people she loved the most. first draco, now noah. she didn't want to be vulnerable in front of draco. she liked to be the strength he needed because she knew that whatever he was going through was probably much more difficult than her situation. however, she didn't want to let down her 'ice queen' reputation in front of noah or anyone. she knew that noah would try to help her and that was her down fall. astoria didn't want help. she didn't want pity. she just wanted to get through the next two years and get the hell out of hogwarts so she could just run. keep running away from her problems. that was her biggest problem. she always ran from her problems, but being at hogwarts didn't allow her to run. she had to face her vulnerable side. she had to embrace the fear and paranoia.

she tried to smile back at him, but she couldn't. home. that simple word. home was no vacation for astoria. she feared returning home during christmas break. she feared walking into that barn to see her horses and being reminded of what happened. she feared passing the barn and being reminded of being cornered into it. she feared going home to her room and looking under her bed to find the clothes she had worn that night stuffed in the corner covered in dust, most likely. she shook her head, knowing she had to tell him. she felt the stinging behind her eyes and before she knew, the first tear fell down her pale face. it wasn't long before the second one fell, then the third. they were streaking down her face slowly, but she didn't even bother to wipe them away she simply leaned back against a large boulder and slumped to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chin and ducking her head down. "i wish i could call home, home. i don't even know what's happening to me, noah." she whispered quietly, but loud enough for him to hear her. she ran both hands through her hair and just gripped her hair in bunches, tugging on them. she felt a headache coming on and she felt her whole body just pounding, her nightmare coming back. she could see the boy's face in her head and she bit her forearm to keep from screaming.

she figured that noah would probably think she was crazy and looked like she was raving mad, but she couldn't help it. she felt defeated. he had won. he had consumed her life with the nightmares and thoughts. she didn't even notice the small choking sound she made as she cried, furious and hurt and ashamed with herself. how could she let this happen to her. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry you have to see me like this," she begged him quietly.

I SUCK d: I'M SORRY!

[noahmarks]

Yes, Noah had his suspicions about Astoria’s allegiance in terms of the brewing war. Of course, it was none of his business. He enjoyed Astoria’s company, and he was positive that she would never herself become a Death Eater. As long as she wasn’t running off to be the Dark Lord’s puppet, he felt it was not part of his business. He knew who her family was, and what was expected of her. If she ever sided against them, or even remained neutral, it would provide a ton of strain on their entire family. Therefore, he understood why she made the decisions that she made, and he did not think any less of her for it. Indeed, they were quick the pairing.

Unlike Astoria, Noah rarely ran from his problems. When faced with a difficult situation, Noah ran at it with determination and strength. He was a true Gryffindor, through and through. Courageous and brave, Noah never backed down from a fight or a challenge. Instead, he embraced them and all other thrills. She was entirely right. If Noah knew of her current predicament, he would most likely let his temper overwhelm him. She was also right about him keeping it a secret. He was fiercely loyal, and he would never, ever tell anyone any of Astoria’s secret. He could never promise to not kill the guy though. His temper oftentimes got away with him, and she knew it. But, this was like any other challenge Noah accepted. He was going to find out what was bothering her. Not only would it satisfy his need to defeat all things placed in front of him, but he knew that it was bothering her deeply, and he wanted to help her, as any friend would.

Noah watched her carefully, still giving her quite a bit of distance in between them. She leaned against the boulder before sinking down to the ground and pulling her knees to her chin. He followed suit, dropping easily to the ground with gracefulness, stretching his long legs out in front of him. Unlike her, it wasn’t easy to wrap himself up into a tiny little ball. Noah was a bit taller than average, and he found that it was always easier on him to stretch out and take up lots of space.

Listening to her, it nearly broke his heart. Astoria was like Isabella to him, and he could not imagine what pain she was feeling in her heart. He felt terrible, and he was just sitting across from her. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his embrace so badly, but he knew that might not be the best bet. He could not believe that she apologizing to him, as if he was upset with her. It was ridiculous, and he couldn’t deal with seeing her that way. He moved a bit closer to her, making sure to move slowly as to not startle her. She was crying, and he refused to let her cry across from him. She needed comforted, of that he was sure.

Sitting beside her, he placed a hand very gently on her back, hoping and trying his best to comfort her. “Astoria, you don’t have to apologize.” He paused for just a moment before continuing on. “Listen, you don’t have to tell me about it, but I want you to know that you are an amazing young woman. I also want you to know that I am always going to be here for you, whether you need me to beat someone up or just listen, okay?” He finished, hoping to accomplish his point of trying to show her how much he cared and also to comfort her somewhat.

[samixx]

the young slytherin felt her head pounding, a migraine building out of all the stress and frustration she harbored in her tiny frame. she just wanted to get away from everything. if astoria could keep running, she would've ran as far away and as fast as humanly possible to escape from the nightmares that attacked her in her sleep. she couldn't eat, sleep, or breathe without thinking about what had happened and it startled her. she was constantly paranoid and worried that he would show up, though it was highly impossible. she couldn't understand the emotions she felt, which were a rollercoaster of sorts. she had never experienced so much sadness or fear; it wasn't like astoria at all. she was a strong, fearless girl that became a coward. it was something she could never admit to and now, letting her best friend see this weak side was killing her on the inside.

she could feel him close to her as he dropped down beside her, though she didn't dare look over because she knew she must've looked like a mess. the tears, the hair pulling, the bags under her eyes. it was so obvious that her once pretty, thin face looked hollow and haunted and almost always ghost-white, plastered in fear. astoria could only imagine what would happen if noah found out, her parents found out, her sister found out, the students at school, and most importantly, draco. she wasn't positive about his reaction, but she feared his reaction the most because he was the most important person in her life minus her family. her compassion towards the cold-hearted, guarded older slytherin was uncomparable to anyone else in her life, except for noah. though their relationship was simply platonic, it reminded her a lot of her relationship with draco because she would do anything for either of them.

she felt his hand rest lightly on her back and she flinched slightly, but didn't attempt to make him move it. she relaxed her muscles and she was sure he could probably feel the definition of her back bone, knowing she had lost so much weight and had become so frail over the past few weeks. it wasn't much, but it was enough to be blatantly obvious to those who saw her on a daily basis, aside from her personality change and the way her clothes fit her skinnier frame nowadays. everytime she walked, her clothes fell a little lower on her frame and she constantly was having to invent ways of making her uniform fit without it being completely obvious to those around her. she didn't need them asking questions. she already had to answer to herself, which was something she didn't want to do. she would've rather stayed in denial about the situation forever if she could.

his words stung her slightly. not in a bad way or menacing way, but in a way that she hadn't heard in a long, long time. after all, stori wasn't used to compassion and kindness certainly wasn't her scene. she was usually terrorizing the lives of others and sarcastically making fun of others, but when those rare occasions of kindness presented itself, she was always taken back because she knew out of anyone, she deserved kindness the least. she hadn't done anything to really, truly deserve any help or attention, then again, she had always been one to stay away from the 'loving' attention of others. the only people's attention she cared for were draco, noah, and her closest friends'. "noah.." she trailed off. she knew she couldn't hide her face and tell him. that would've been even more cowardly of her and she didn't need to worry about that.

but she had to force herself to lift her head because she knew that when it presented itself to him, it wouldn't be the pretty, vain astoria as usual. it would be a haunted, hollow, pale, frail, fearful face that never appeared except this instance. she could feel tears running down her face as she lifted it, her gaze barely meeting his. she ran a hand through her brown locks again, pulling it over to one side. it was such a habit for her to pick and mess with her hair, tugging on it so that she could relieve stress. "i." not much else came out and she clamped her mouth shut. embarrassed by the fact that she couldn't even construct a simple sentence. "this summer i." she kept trying to mentally cheer herself on. it was noah. he wasn't going to harm her, but she was nervous. she couldn't keep her head up for much longer and dropped it back down on her forearms, her face staring straight into her lap, hidden away from him as she cried harder, unable to feel herself breathe.

astoria couldn't bring herself to do it. it wasn't like sharing one of her normal secrets. she didn't want to be judged for it. it was her fault for not fighting back hard enough, after all. "was raped," she finished in an almost inaudible whisper as she continued facing down, unable to even look up because she was humiliated. her felt her heart pounding and her whole body burning up with anger and pain and humiliation. she never expected her life to take this turn of events. after all, no one expects to be raped or taken advantage of at the age of fifteen, yet here she was. she was a victim.

[noahmarks]

Noah felt her flinch under his touch, but she didn’t jerk away. That was a start. He had expected her to turn away from him further, receding into herself and whatever was plaguing her even more. Noah wanted her to open up to him, and he felt the only way she would possibly do so would be to put his heart out there, letting her know exactly how he felt about her. Astoria was practically his second baby sister, and he would do anything for her. Which included whatever was on her mind at the moment. However, Noah was quite afraid that her current problems were much more serious than just a fight with a boyfriend or some other frivolous matter. In fact, Noah was having a bad, bad feeling about this.

He couldn’t help noticing how thin she looked. When he placed his hand on her back, he noted the definition of her backbone underneath his palm. She was entirely too slender. It only further proved to him that whatever was bothering her was an ongoing issue, not something that just recently happened. Also, it was bad. Noah felt his stomach churning, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. This situation could not be something that was easily fixed, and he was almost afraid to find out what it was that was bothering Stori. To be honest, he wasn’t sure he trusted himself or his temper. But, he placed her safety and comfort above all else, and he wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to help her and fix the situation, if possible, in order for her to go back to being herself.

Noah didn’t like to see anyone in this type of pain and distress. He was a naturally good-hearted and caring person. Although he’d done his fair share of making his enemies and rivals unhappy, Noah hated to see someone he cared about suffering. Even seeing some of his closest friends struggling with something as simple as getting a poor grade on an exam or essay made his own heart hurt. Therefore, seeing someone he truly cared about in such pain was an all-out heartbreak. Noah could almost feel the pain she felt. It was if the entire thing was happening to him. His own heart was breaking as he watched her cry. With every one of her tears, Noah could feel his heart cracking right down the middle. All he wanted was to see her smile again.

When she looked up at him, there was something different about her gaze. Noah suddenly realized that she was going to tell him. She was ready to confess what was wrong, what was bothering her. Noah felt anxious, suddenly very nervous and aware of her eyes as she looked at him, not the strong, independent young woman he was used to. Instead, he was looking into the eyes of a ghost of a girl, broken and frail. She began, but suddenly turned her gaze back downwards towards her lap. The tears were coming harder now, and he continued to move his hand across her back in a comforting manner, the suspense building between them as he waited patiently for her to finally confess her secret.

When she spoke, it was barely audible. Noah heard it, though. As soon as it was spoken out loud, Noah almost wished he hadn’t heard it. Actually, he wished that it hadn’t happened, not to her. It took him a few seconds to completely register the statement. The word echoed again and again in his mind. Astoria, his second little sister, had been raped. What kind of monster does that? At once, he suddenly felt furious. She was nothing more than a girl. However, he did his best to conceal his unbridled fury. Getting incredibly upset and angry in front of her would only worsen her current situation. Yet, Noah’s temper was not one that was easily calmed. Taking a deep breath, he spoke to her, his words gentle and soft. “I am so, so sorry, Astoria.” His words were genuine, but it was hard for him to disguise the anger and frustration behind them. After all, Noah was surely going to try and kill this guy, whoever he was.

It dawned on him that maybe Astoria hadn’t even known him. He didn’t want to make her relive the details of the event. Maybe it had happened in some dark alley when she’d been walking alone. Maybe she had no idea of who the stranger was. Still, Noah wanted him dead. He did not deserve to do something so cruel and vicious and get away with it. “I will kill him.” He paused, his words laced with his anger. “You know I will, Astoria.” He looked at her passionately, wanting nothing more than to get revenge for changing a wonderful and strong young woman into the broken mess that sat beside him. The man deserved to pay for his crime. “Do you know who it was?” He asked, not even sure it was the right thing to do. But, Noah’s temper was overriding his reason and logic. He was far from calm now, ready to rip apart the man that caused her such pain.