Schedule || George

[cordeux]

Darling, wonderful Georgette,

It seems as though I’m free tomorrow night. If that doesn’t work, I’ve got the upcoming Sunday off of work. Just let me know.

Also, my cat tried to eat Georgiana. She was most displeased by this. Do pygmies make angry noises? I think they do, otherwise she’s broke and you’d better come round right now and fix her. I paid good money for a functioning non-hysterical squeaking ball of fuzz that is making me roll with laughter as I write, Mr. Weasley, and I demand this be set to rights.

Love,
Ris

[george]

Dearest, darling 'Ris,

I think Sunday would work best. It is the one day that the shop is closed and I am free to do whatever I please. I demand dinner. Your frank manner of speaking to me means that you are duty bound to say yes to my request. You see, you are calling me Georgette and it is highly offensive, madame.

Also, I promise you that your pygmy is not broken. It is just angry that Mr. Whiskers seems to think that she's your cat's next meal. You should really try to fix that. I think Mr. Whiskers should be taught that you are not to eat your new siblings while you are in firm command of the house. Do not let them rise up and revolt. It will bear horrible consequences for you.

Also, there is a charge of 10 galleons if I am to come over right now and fix your new pet. Sorry, I'm running a business here, love!

Cheers!
George

[cordeux]

Darling, beautiful, baby George,

You demand dinner? I suspect it’s a good thing that eventually on Sunday I’m going to find myself getting hungry for a meal of that sort. Otherwise I would have to take off my glove and slap you across the face with it, my good sir. And then where would we be? Why, I think that would put us in a duel!

I tried to reprimand Mr. Whiskers and he responded by putting up a barricade in the living room and shooting little mouse toys at me when I try to go into the kitchen. You’ve turned my cat into a rebel commander and I am not pleased. Not one bit. However, Georgiana seems to like this new arrangement as she has me all to herself… Making this odd keening noise, not unlike a cat purring. I might have to dig into the deep recesses of my bank vault and pay you the 10 galleons to come look at her as I cannot fathom why she would make that noise. It gets especially louder if I pet her.

Terribly confused,
Ris

[george]

Fiery, awe-inspiring Iris,

A duel? I will meet you at dawn with pistols. (That is what muggles use for duels, correct? I have always fancied being in a muggle duel.) You shall rue the day you challenged one George Fabian Weasley. Have you ever noticed that my initials are GFW and Fred's are FGW? It's odd. I think it's a conspiracy. Or perhaps my mum did it on purpose.

I apologize. That got away from me there. I am reigning myself quickly back in however. You always have to have flaws. My devilishly good looks are weighed out by my attention span, you see. It's the truth. You need only to take one look at me to say, by golly, he's smoking hot but then speak to me and you see the drawback.

Oh, look at that. Got away from me again, didn't it? Also it's because she likes you. They tend to make noises depending on their moods. You don't need to be worried. Your cat is a rebel commander? I salute your valiant efforts, dear Mr. Whisker, but no man can stand against Iris! She is a typhoon of feminine charm and wiles and she can tear down your barricade with one manicured finger.

Poor, bloody bastard.

With Respect to Mr. Whiskers,
George

[cordeux]

Loving, gentle George,

Actually, at first they used swords but that was too messy and took too long so they decided to change it to pistols for surety and quickness. However that was recently deemed inhumane and thus now we are stuck yelling terrible insults at one another from street corners and open windows. What a lovely society we have today.

And you’re quite right, I had noticed that because I am definitely in contact with you and/or your brother on a daily basis. Really, how did you know?

I’m not entirely sure I believe you on that claim, sweetheart, because every time I set eyes on Fred I absolutely know it’s him because he is literally the most beautiful creature to ever come into my life. And they say even your mother can’t tell you two apart, well ha I say! Everyone else must be blind!

I do find you fairly attractive though.

I’m glad she likes me, though. Wouldn’t have wanted to pick one up who absolutely detested me. Honestly, that would make me very depressed as she is very darling. I don’t think I’ll be sending this one to my father. Mr. Whiskers, on another note, gave in because he realized he cannot open his cans of food without thumbs. Such a pity. There wasn’t any use for my feminine charms or wiles in this situation. Now I am disappointed.

Sobbing hysterically,
Ris

[george]

Enchanting, luminous Iris,

They throw insults now? That's most disappointing. I had been looking forward to awkwardly fumbling with a muggle pistol and trying to figure out how to use one. Then you would laugh at me and shoot me in the leg, and then we would both go on our cheery little ways. That is how it works, correct? I always imagined it to be thus.

I figured you looked like a stalker. You just are so enchanted with my amazingly good looks that I have been blessed with, you can't stay away from me. It's okay, I don't blame you. This is not the first time this has happened.

Fred is not the most amazing looking twin. If you are going to be speaking such nonsense, we might not be able to have dinner with one another, Iris. Painful, but true. I would just cry over how mislead you are at this point.

Wow, you find me attractive, huh? You do realize that I will use this against you for the rest of your life? As long as you realize that, I am happy to take this information and store it away.

That is truly too bad. I was looking forward to the reports he would send me from the battlefield, and how you would lament the loss of your troops as you tried to get in. Then you both would come to a shoddy agreement for a truce and he would go back to despising your newest pet. The vicious cycle would be able to continue. Too bad.

Laughing At You,
George

[cordeux]

Sweetest, wonderful smoochums-bear,

That is most definitely how it would end as the point of a duel with pistols is supposed to end with a maiming rather than, as most people perceive it, a deadly shot to the heart! Ha, would you believe it? The muggles don’t even know their own traditions. This could be why they wouldn’t know a dragon from a lamppost if it smacked them across the face with a damp towel and called them a ninny. Although in that case it’s most probably not a dragon or a lamppost anyway but a very upset half-giant.

Careful, love. You might have pegged me as a stalker, however you have failed to notice the fact that I’ve stolen at least half the contents of your underwear drawer and seven of your shirts. Tsk, tsk. You really need to take a count of those things on a daily basis. I know I do.

I’ve cried many tears over how misled I am, George, I assure you. However, I am ready to take the first step out into the light of knowledge so that I can be re-taught what is good and fair and what is wrong and ugly. That is why I asked you to dinner. Consider it a cleansing of my former ideals and the first stepping stone on the way to enlightenment.

You can use it against me all you like, I don’t regret writing it to you. I try not to write things I’d regret other people seeing as, well obviously letters can get into the wrong hands sometimes, such as prying brothers or parents or some such. My cousin on my father’s side have been caught so many times sending off naughty owls. They’re hysterical. Not that I was the one who nabbed them or anything…

Mr. Whiskers does enjoy eating actual food sometimes. It’s more sustaining than the stuffing from my couch cushions or the string pulled from the edges of my curtains, after all. I’m not sure why he believes that as I’ve been getting along fine on that sort of diet, no hallucinations or anything!

See you at dinner,
Ris