just might catch a g l i m p se

[Deleted]

Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie.

As per the usual, the weather was muggy and rather chilled this early afternoon. Sophie had been itching to leave the warm halls of Hogwarts for a breath of fresh air, so she had thrown a scarf around her neck and a knitted hat to keep her auburn curls in check. Otherwise, she only had her Gryffindor robes to stave off the latent winter chill. It really did not annoy her all that much, since the cold hair kept her mind alert and her posture just a little tense. How she wanted to relax, but the Clock Tower Courtyard did not provide much of a way of doing so. It was a beautiful area, but the stone pillars did not offer much comfort seating wise. No, Sophie chose to lean against one of the dilapidated pillars and stare at the vaulted ceiling above her. She knew that the sky was grey and cloudy on this day, and it seemed the perfect mirror to her own mood at present. All she wished to do was escape the constant chatter and business of the students for a short while.

This was the perfect time to do so. Sophie knew she should be spending her free period on her classwork, but doing so took more concentration than she had to give at present. It was not like she was behind on her studies. No, she always took care to be up to speed on her more difficult classes, and her easier classes could wait just a little while longer. Her Defense essay could go burn, and she scowled at the thought of that surly Professor. Had it not been enough to ruin Potions? Now he had to go and take over the one class no one had ever wished for him to take. Sophie would admit, and only to herself, that Professor Snape was certainly a better teacher than their last few had been. Umbridge and Lockheart were a waste of space at best and both deserved to be fed to the Giant Squid. Sophie snickered at the thought, since it provide an amusing mental picture for her.

The brief moment of levity disappeared as she stared listlessly at the fountain. Acting like this was something she disliked very much. Sophie always liked to be doing something, but she had no energy to move from her spot. There was just so much going on. Where would she even begin to start? She worried about her mother and brother, she worried that another attack could occur so close to Hogwarts, and she desperately wished to do something about it. How could she act like everything was perfectly normal and fine when the entirety of the Wizarding World was on the brink of a downfall? Had it already not begun such a thing? A noise of frustration escaped her, and she leant down to pick up a loose rock and hurl it angrily at the stone walls.

‘Cause when I open my body, I breathe a lie.

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478 | sophie | sticks and stones

"No time for goodbye," he said as he faded away, "Don't put your life in someone's hands, they're bound to steal it away. Don't hide your mistakes, cause they'll find you, burn you." Then he said, "If you want to get out alive, run for your life. If you want to get out alive, run for your life."

Cold again. Wasn't that just the absolute pits. Sura exhaled sharply, furrowing her eyebrows as she glared out the tiny window in the Common Room. She couldn't feel the temperature, but she knew it was cold out there, unpleasantly so. The kind of cold that sunk into your bones if you spent just a little too much time out there, no matter what you wore. And once that cold set in, it was going to take several hours of fireplace and teapots to get you feeling like your teeth weren't going to start knocking against one another in a bid to escape your mouth.

And of course, she had elected to go send letters today, which involved leaving her cozy little Common Room in favour of that. Perhaps her parents could go a few more weeks without the confirmation that she was still alive?

She wound her scarf around her neck several times, a little tighter than usual so that the wind wouldn't find a place to sneak in and bite at the delicate skin beneath the fabric. Satisfied with her handiwork, she pulled her hat on and tucked her ears in, making her way to the door with her letters tucked snugly in one of the inside pockets.  She very much hoped that it was going to be enough, because as much as she liked lazy days, she felt like being at least a little productive today.

The climb to the Owlry was uneventful, as per usual.  The location itself wasn't so out of the way, but the stairs leading up to the massive room were precarious in the winter, even in spite of the number of charms she was sure had been set up to keep them from getting overly icy.  More than once on her journey so far had she grabbed for the railing to avoid sliding down several flights flat on her bottom.  She grimaced when she thought of the bruising, considering that she bruised like a peach and it took weeks for one to fade on its own.  More than once had her mother charmed them away in her childhood. She probably would have looked like she lost a lot more fights with her broom than she wanted people to know if her mother hadn't tended them.  Bless.

Sura elected to pass through the Courtyard on the way back to the castle, and much to her pleasure she immediately picked out a familiar face: Sophie.  She looked rather cross, truth be told, and Sura watched her hurl a stone at a nearby wall.  Now completely ignoring the fact that it was freezing out, she crossed the distance between them and  leaned against the same pillar.  "There, now, what are we throwing rocks about?  Because this is hardly the place to find the good ones," she teased, smiling gently.  "What's, got your ruffled, Soph?"

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[Deleted]

Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie.

If only her anger could be vented so easily with just the toss of a stone. No, Sophie would have to dance herself into exhaustion before all of this tense energy would disappear. She hated not being in control of her own life, or being able to help any of her friends while they suffered. Perhaps that was her problem in the first place? Controlling things outside of her life was impossible, and she could not control the actions of others. Well, not without being thrown into Azkaban for the rest of her days. As if she resort to such a thing in the first place. No, her thoughts were simply going in all directions as she tried to sort through her frustrations and worries. It really would have been best if she applied her concentration to her remaining schoolwork, but that was an impossibility at this point. Sophie wondered how many house points she would lose if she decided to explode one of the pillars in her wish to vent. No doubt Professor McGonagall would have a fit for destroying school property.

That was an amusing thought at the very least. Sophie was startled from her thoughts by a familiar voice that had decided to lean against the pillar she was using as a rest. Green eyes peered up at the familiar figure that was Sura. Honestly, she had not intended for anyone to find her out here, but she was relieved it was a friend instead of a stranger. There was no way she would explain her actions to anyone that did not know her. Merlin, she would most likely lie about to those that knew her, too. Sophie smiled slightly at the teasing tone in the question, but she wearily tugged at a stray auburn curl. Either way, she would have rather been alone right now. Just another thing that was beyond her control, and she would not be rude to one of her only few friends. Besides, Sophie knew she could trust Sura. It was simply her pride that usually got in the way of her admitting the truth.

“All of the other good places are taken, so I had to make do with these,” she replied with a sardonic twist of her lips. Eventually a soft sigh escaped her as she leaned back against the pillar once again. The cold did not even bother her at this point, and she would not really care if she caught a cold because of her lack of care for sitting out here. “I--well, everything I suppose.” Lord, it was an effort for her to admit even that much. Sophie mentally slapped herself to simply admit what was on her mind to someone. “I’m just worried about everything that’s going on. It’s frustrating that we’re stuck here while there’s actual trouble brewing outside of these walls.”

‘Cause when I open my body, I breathe a lie.

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441 | sophie | sticks and stones

"No time for goodbye," he said as he faded away, "Don't put your life in someone's hands, they're bound to steal it away. Don't hide your mistakes, cause they'll find you, burn you." Then he said, "If you want to get out alive, run for your life. If you want to get out alive, run for your life."

Sophie smiled at her as she turned to face her, but the way she tugged at her hair betrayed her: something was on her friend's mind, and it was weighing on her.  Sura snorted when Sophie mentioned that all the other good spots were taken already.  "Clearly, you're not doing it right then.  I've found that a mild threat of vomiting slugs for the next week usually does the trick," she laughed, throwing her friend a wink as she tried to keep things a little on the lighter side.  All of the terrible things in life that got stuck in your head were easier to shoulder if you could still smile about something.

She licked her lips slowly as she nodded, taking in Sophie's words.  Yes indeed, her friend definitely had a lot going on in her head right now.  And they were all the kind of thoughts that tended to consume the mind, made you feel helpless and exhausted and altogether unhappy.  Sura exhaled, watching her breath freeze and billow away from her in the breeze before disappearing entirely.

It was a certainty that things outside the walls of Hogwarts were not headed in a good direction, not remotely.  It was well-known at this point that war was likely coming: even the Daily Prophet was reporting it now, much to the chagrin of anyone who picked the damned thing up to read it.  Every day you could read about a new attack, someone else going missing, another body showing up.  It was all enough to make you sick even if you didn't spend time dwelling on it.

Sura knew well enough that Sophie was the type to dwell on it, though not because she wanted to.  It was because she had such a good heart that she couldn't stand suffering, almost more than anyone Sura had met before.  It was no wonder that she was standing outside in the cold, hurling rocks at walls.

"It's true," she said slowly, considering her words before she let them pass through her lips.  "It is frustrating that we're here, unable to do anything.  Albeit, we are here, unable to do anything, but safe.  Not only that, but what would we be able to do even if we weren't being...kept here?"  It was a strange way to put it, but realistically the students were being kept here.  They were the next generation.  They needed to be kept safe for as long as possible should the worst happen.  And although she sincerely hoped that it wouldn't, Sura had a deep and dark suspicion in the pit of her stomach that something would happen.  And soon.

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[Deleted]

Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie.

Sophie wanted to fill these darker days with more moments of levity. It would certainly keep everyone from going insane with worry and stagnation while they waited for any piece of news. Reading the Daily Prophet was something she only grudgingly did these days, because the rag did keep her up-to-date on making sure her remaining family had not gone missing. Otherwise, the paper was simply a waste of good ink and magic. After all of the horrible things it had said against the Headmaster and the Boy-Who-Lived last year, she had no vested interest in it. Everyone had been proven wrong now, right? Now no one could shut their eyes in ignorance and pretend that their lives were the same as they had always been. No one was safe, and no one could deny that war was brewing outside of these walls. Merlin, when had she grown so morbid and somber?

“I think I would need a broken wand like Weasley did second year for that curse to work,” she replied with a slight snort. Now there had been a horrible spell to have backfire on the caster. Sophie smiled for a moment, but it soon dissipated as her usual thoughts settled in. Why could she not just slip into an easy banter with one of her closest friends? She disliked making anyone worry about her when they certainly had more important things to be concerned about. Being a burden on anyone was something she had always strived to keep herself from being. A habit she doubted anyone would be able to break her from. Well, at least she could make the effort to be honest to Sura now that she had opened her own mouth. Having a calming presence to help her sort through her frustrations would be a good thing every once in awhile.

Her brow furrowed at Sura’s words. The statement was a reasonable one, but that did not make it any less irksome. Sophie knew that there was not much she could do, even if she was outside of Hogwarts. She was confident that she was a talented student, but that was still what she was. A student. “Maybe it is better that we’re kept here, but what if Hogwarts is no longer safe? Look at what happened in Hogsmeade. Not once, but twice. And what better way to threaten the most important people than by somehow sneaking into Hogwarts and using us against them? It sounds completely idiotic, right? There is no safer place than this school, but I still worry about what could happen to the others, especially the younger students.”

‘Cause when I open my body, I breathe a lie.

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[Deleted]

506 | sophie | dark times

"No time for goodbye," he said as he faded away, "Don't put your life in someone's hands, they're bound to steal it away. Don't hide your mistakes, cause they'll find you, burn you." Then he said, "If you want to get out alive, run for your life. If you want to get out alive, run for your life."

Sura snorted, a wide grin splitting onto her face.  Although she hadn't had the pleasure of personally seeing Weasley spewing up slugs, she had certainly heard about it.  And sweet Merlin, did he ever have her sympathies for it.  She couldn't imagine gagging up so many of those slimy little creatures.  And with no cure but time, or so she heard, the thought was enough to turn her stomach even more than just the thought of vomiting slugs.  "Nah," she breezed, waving her hand in front of her face.  "You've got enough experience to make it work. Without it backfiring on you, hopefully."  She winked at her friend, teasing her lightly, hoping that she could help snap her out of this funk she seemed to be in.  She didn't like seeing Sophie, or anyone else, like this.

She listened quietly as Sophie spoke, nodding slowly as their girl made her points.  They were all valid.  It was especially disquieting that Hogsmeade had been attacked twice now, especially considering that it was so very close to Hogwarts, not a half hour walk away if you kept your pace.  The attacks had been, as they said, too close to home.  "No, I don't think it sounds idiotic," she said slowly, her own brow furrowing in thought.  "But still, it is completely out of our hands if they do manage to get into Hogwarts. That's just the thing.  We can't spend our time worrying about the 'what if's'.  For all we know, it might not come about at all.  If it does, then we deal with it at that point, and we do what we can, and we help who we can."

She took a deep breath of the cold day's air, savouring the burn it left in her lungs as she considered the whole situation. "It isn't our responsibility to save everyone, Soph.  Certainly, we can save whoever we are able to.  But unfortunately, the reality of it is this: if Hogwarts is taken, there will be casualties.  Not everyone is going to leave this castle on their own feet."  It was a bitter pill to swallow, that was for certain.  It was an unpleasant thought to consider at sixteen and seventeen years old.  This was the age that they were just supposed to be making their way into the world.  And now it very well might change to them having to be adults all too quickly.

"But I do know this much for certain," she said, turning to smile gently at Sophie, who was still frowning all to much for her liking.  "The good guys are going to win. Because there are more of us than there are of them.  And we want it more.  So in my eyes, all you and I and everyone else at this school is required to do is to be brave as they can and to do their very best.  Being that you're a Gryffindor, I think you'll do just fine on both of those fronts," she said with a grin.

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[Deleted]

Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie.

Sophie had the feeling that little tidbit would amuse Sura. It had certainly been a disgusting sight to witness in the Common Room back in second year. A good lesson to never practice with a broken wand, right? Thinking about it was a little nauseating. A good jinx to remember if she ever had to deal with anyone annoying, though. Hopefully it would not backfire on herself, or she could not imagine ever living such a thing down. Her lips quirked into a slight smile as Sura teased her. The easy banter was something familiar and more than welcome right now. It most likely would have been better if they had both been in the warm halls of Hogwarts. Sophie was beginning to feel the chill of the cold after all, but she was too stubborn to admit it. All she did was tug her scarf a little more securely around her neck. “I would hope so. If it did backfire, I wouldn't be showing my face in the halls for weeks,” she replied with a snort.

Well, at least her viewpoints were not being taken as being idiotic or impossible. Sophie disliked brooding over all of these disheartening topics. They all should be stressing over classwork and exams at the end of the year. Life was never deemed to be fair, though. Sometimes she wondered why Sura had not been sorted into Ravenclaw with the good advise she always seemed to have on hand. Her words were logical and were true, but that did not appeal to the more emotional side of her. The statements were hard to swallow when she so desperately wished to do something more than worry about classwork that may not even matter in the coming months. Honestly, who cared about Goblin wars when faced with the very real possibility of their entire world falling down all around them? “I hate when you’re right. It means I’m wrong, and I will never admit I just said that if you ever say I did,” she replied with a soft sigh.

The very idea of being told it was not her responsibility save everyone was a hurtful one. Sophie was realistic to know that she could not possibly save everyone from this, but she was the kind of person that always strove to help others. Sophie merely grit her teeth and held back the irrational anger over it. Just because she did not like what she was being told did not mean that Sura deserved her anger directed at her. The heated emotions disappeared immediately at that thought as she calmed herself. Merlin, what a mess this entire thing was. Sophie twisted a lock of her hair in agitation, resisting the urge to simply tug on her hair harshly. None of this should have happened, but it was the reality they were living in now. Not all of them would live through this and she had no power to try and help everyone.

Green eyes flickered upward to meet Sura’s gaze. Her expression softened at Sura’s more encouraging words. Their current reality was bleak and horrible, but that was certainly no reason to lose hope. If she continued to concentrating on everything that could go wrong, then she would miss out on trying to be of use right now. “Maybe on the bravery part, but Hufflepuffs are definitely the harder workers out of the four houses,” Sophie replied with a more genuine smile. Her friend’s words were encouraging and helped to sooth her frazzled mind for the most part. Sophie still could not help but feel a sense of foreboding, though. There was nothing she could do but try her best to be ready for whatever came her way and deal with it then.

‘Cause when I open my body, I breathe a lie.

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436 | sophie | dark times

"No time for goodbye," he said as he faded away, "Don't put your life in someone's hands, they're bound to steal it away. Don't hide your mistakes, cause they'll find you, burn you." Then he said, "If you want to get out alive, run for your life. If you want to get out alive, run for your life."

Sura's smile widened as Sophie cracked the slightest smile. There, at least she had done something that lifted her friend's spirit in the very slightest.  That was better than nothing, especially when her friend's head was obviously in such a dark, heavy place.  That was no place to leave anyone.

She laughed along with Sophie, shaking her head from side to side.  "If that spell backfired on you, I would put the paper bag on your head myself," she chuckled, poking Sophie playfully in the arm.  "I'd be embarassed for you."  She giggled a little further at the thought of the spell backfiring.  Of course she would feel absolutely terribly for Sophie.  Vomiting slugs was certainly not high on the list of things she wanted to do during her lifetime.  Honestly, it didn't even make the list.  Furthermore, considering that Sophie was well-accomplished in her wandwork, Sura would probably never stop teasing her friend over the backfire.  At their age, the spell should be an absolute piece of cake to cast properly.

A snort escaped from her mouth as her eyebrows raised. "I'm sorry, did you just say that I was right?  Can I get that in writing?  Perhaps we should take a picture and frame it to commemorate the moment," she giggled teasingly.  Another attempt to lighten the mood, one she hoped would go over well.  Sophie knew her, knew that she never intended to be hurtful about anything.  If she wanted to be hurtful, you knew that was her intention, there were no doubts about it.

For the few moments of silence between them, Sura thought that she might have crossed some sort of line, said something that she should never have said.  Sophie looked, well, angry. And the worst part was that Sura couldn't figure out if that anger was directed at the situation or at her.  Sophie had never seemed to be the kind of person who would get upset at her friends for anything less than a personal assault, but, then again, it wouldn't be the first time that Sura had gotten herself into hot water for telling it like it was.

That was why seeing her face soften was such a sudden relief. She smiled softly, half out of her own relief, half out of compassion.  Sura shrugged, waving her hand in front of her face.  "Oh, stop it you.  But yes, we do tend to bust our asses on a regular basis," she chirped with a wink.  She tilted her head up slightly, a smile on her own lips.  "Keep smiling, Soph.  Like I said, we're gonna win.  Promise."

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[Deleted]

Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie.

Merlin, Sophie would be helping Sura place the paper bag on her head to avoid the horrifying stares and jeers. She had always wondered how Weasley had ever lived that backfired spell down. Then again, those three had the worst luck when it came to their misadventures. No, Sophie did not envy any of them for what they had been through. Her worst fears had mostly been bad grades or having a horrible hair day. Normal things that everyone at Hogwarts should be worrying about. Not life or death situations where anyone they loved could be gone in an instant. When had everything become so dark and horrible? There was not a day that went by without another name being added to the list of missing or dead. She was trying to cheer herself up, but her thoughts constantly kept pulling her back.

“You can’t prove anything. In fact, I have no idea what you’re talking about at all, Sura. Must have been hit with a Confundus Charm,” Sophie brushed off with a wave of her hand. As if she would ever say such a thing aloud again. No, her friend would simply have to cherish the memory of being allowed to know that she was right. The Gryffindor snorted in amusement at the lighter moment. Being able to spend this small amount of time with her friend was a balm to her worried heart. Who knew how much longer moments like these would come around? Sophie knew she was too much of a realist for her own good, but perhaps it was a good thing with the times as they were. If only it made swallowing all of this worry and bad news that much easier in the end.

Guilt assaulted her for a moment when she noticed the relief on Sura’s face. No doubt her visible anger had been viewed with worry. No, she could not be mad at her friend for speaking the truth. Sophie appreciated Sura’s honesty in situations like these. It was not what she wanted to hear, but she had to hear it. No one else would be able to get the message to sink in. “I can’t promise I will, but I’ll certainly try. It might make things easier to get through if I keep my head held high.” There was not much more she could do than hope for the best and prepare herself for what was to come. Today she would concentrate on her schoolwork as she always did. "Care to help me with my Defense essay? I'll be tempted to set it on fire if I do it myself."

‘Cause when I open my body, I breathe a lie.

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360 | sophie | brighter times

"No time for goodbye," he said as he faded away, "Don't put your life in someone's hands, they're bound to steal it away. Don't hide your mistakes, cause they'll find you, burn you." Then he said, "If you want to get out alive, run for your life. If you want to get out alive, run for your life."

Sura grinned, her whole face lighting up, partly in the humour of the moment, partly because it was a pleasure to see Sophie at least a little cheered up.  She was glad that she wasn't a completely useless fixture to her friend, that she could still do something for her when times were as dark as they were.  It meant that things weren't as bad as they could be.  Certainly she harboured the worry that things would get worse than this, much worse.  The odds were not in their favour, if she was to be completely honest about the situation.  And that was exactly why moments like these were so very important.  You had to enjoy them while they were still around.

"My word against yours then, is it Soph?" she chuckled, raising her eyebrows as she put a hand on her chest.  "That'd be an interesting moment, wouldn't it be?  I wonder who they'd believe, because we've both had our honest and dishonest moments, haven't we?"  The image in her mind was highly amusing.

She wondered for a moment if she'd said too much, if she should have toned the whole message down a little.  It wouldn't have been the first time that her mouth had gotten away with her, said too much or said too much in a less sensitive way.  Sophie's words instantly soothed her, and the corners of her lips turned up in a small, encouraging smile.  "Trying is good," she chirped, nodding her head.  "You know, my dad used to say to me, 'Sura, the one thing I never want you to do is let fear or anxiety keep you from doing something you know is right.  Fake it until you make it.'"  Her smile turned into a grin at the thought of her father, and she shrugged.  "So I vote we just do that.  Fake it until we make it.  And we will make it.  Because as you may know, I am a stubborn little bastard."

She winked, looping her arm through her friend's.  "Come on.  Let's give this essay a shot.  Worse comes to worst, I'll even help you set it on fire."

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